Goodbye Nalla

What a hard weekend we have had. Let's see, I will start at the beginning. I truly believe that God puts me where I need to be, and all things happen for a reason. We were supposed to be going to Atlanta Friday after I got off from work, but when I got home our A/C was out, so since Matt and Billie were still at Dolly Wood, I told him to just stay and have fun and I would get the A/C fixed (by calling a repair man! Not fixing it myself! HEHE) The repair man got there very late, but it didn't matter since we had already decided to leave early the next morning to go to Atlanta. Matt and Billie had a wonderful time; enjoyed his last day off since he started work today! They got in very late and we all went straight to bed. I had dropped Nalla off at Bill and Wanda's to stay for the weekend since we would be gone. I really feel like Nalla went there so everyone there would have one last visit with her, and our A/C broke so I could still be in Knoxville that night. Wanda called me about 1:30 in the morning to tell me Nalla was sick and they were taking her to the Pet ER. She had to call three times and text me because I was in such a deep sleep! I am sure she wondered if I would ever wake up! I rushed down there and the Vet said Nalla's stomach had turned over, which basically cut off oxygen to the rest of her intestines and those parts were dying. She was in a lot of pain but by the time I got there they had already given her a lot of meds to get her comfortable. The doctor did offer surgery, but her survival rate was 25% or less. She was almost 12 years old, so we made the painful decision to put her to sleep. My biggest concern was for Billie, bless her heart. She has had so much loss and it just keeps going. Of course, we knew it was coming eventually. Nalla's vet thought she probably had colon cancer two years ago, and she has done very well considering. Needless to say, we are all heart broken. I know in my heart I will never love another dog the way I loved her. She really was special, and not just because she was mine. She was just so sweet. Everyone that spent time with her fell in love with her. You couldn't help it. She only cared if we were happy; she had no concern for her own happiness at all. She complained of nothing, and required nothing. She loved Billie and I so much. She loved a lot of people, but we were definitely very special to her. There are no words to help you understand how great she was, you will just have to trust me that the world has lost a precious dog. Bill, Wanda and I stayed with her to the end. We were able to tell her how much we loved her and hold her paw and kiss her goodbye. I told her to give her Daddy and big kiss on the face and to let Joshua and Caleb ride on her back. I am sure she did just that. Nalla was never quite the same after Michael died. She had really been his dog. You know how dogs usually pick a person? Well, Michael was her person. Billie and I took his place mostly, but she always looked for him. Danny, my step-dad, used to come by every few weeks and drive Michael's truck and wash it for me. Every time he pulled back in the drive way, Nalla would get so excited! And when Danny would come in, she would be happy to see him but then she would sit in front of the window the rest of the night. I always felt she was waiting for her Daddy to come home. I finally told Danny to take the truck and keep it at their house because I couldn't stand putting Nalla through that any more. It broke my heart. She was so special. I know she was so happy to be with her Daddy again. Billie thinks they are fishing together, and they probably are.

We buried her Sunday at Bill and Wanda's house, right next to Suzie. (Suzie the dog, as Billie has always called her.) I am so thankful that they loved Nalla as much as I did. And so thankful to have a place to put her. I can't believe she is gone, and I know it will take me a while to get over this loss. It feels like she is just spending the night with her grandparents and she will be back tomorrow. Billie took the news very good, of course. I was so worried about her, but even though she was upset, she was able to calm down and move on. She is very strong and amazing. She cried last night and asked God in her prayer to please give Nalla a kiss for her. I know some people do not believe that dogs go to heaven, but heaven with out dogs would not be heaven to me so they must be there!

P.S. Please pray for the Delgado's- Jason has the Swine Flu and Vanessa is pregnant and we do not want her or Kenya to get it. And we want Jason to get way better real fast, too!

Synchronous Fireflies!

We had the most wonderful weekend camping with family at Elkmont. If you haven't heard of the synchronous fireflies, they are amazing and wonderful and a wonderful spectacle of God's miracles. The way the park ranger told the story, the fireflies live under ground and they have a life span of two years. They come out to mate for three weeks every June and then they die. The females light up on the ground and the males light up in the air. Somewhere in the middle, they meet. The thing about these fireflies at Elkmont that make them so special is that they light up together. A synchronous song that is absolutely beautiful and amazing. They blink, we counted 7 times but the park ranger said 6 times, and then they are "silent." It feels like they are making music, and then they stop and everything is dark, almost pitch black. A few seconds later, and they blink again 7 times. It reminded me of a concert. Darkness as the band leaves the stage, and the crowd anticipates an encore. The flashes of thousands of cameras then light up and sparkle everywhere you look. All over the ground, in the air, in the trees, to your left, to your right and above you. You are basically surrounded by twinkling lights. And then it is dark; silent again. It just shows you how intricate God's creations are. The park ranger told us if you take the fireflies down from Elkmont, they will not be synchronous anymore. There is only one other place in the world where they are synchronous; somewhere in Asia, although I admit I am not sure where at. Matt and I went on our second date to see the fireflies. They were spectacular then, too. We went back there one year later and Matt proposed that night. We had our wedding ceremony there, too. And this year we took Billie and showed her how amazing Elkmont and the synchronous fireflies are! She loved them. She loves Elkmont, we have taken here there several times. She loves "our Rock"; the rock we sat on while on our second date; the same rock Matt proposed to me on. We also took Brian and Cathie, Matt's parents, David and Janet, Matt's brother and his girlfriend, Kevin, Amy and Susan, Matt's cousins, with us this year. They all teased us about "our rock" but we decided they were just jealous! Elkmont is very special to us and we always find something new there that makes us love it more. The fireflies seemed to be even more spectacular this year than they have been in the past. They were last night, anyway. We found a little dark road that no one was on and we were over a gully and able to just sit down and wait patiently. They were all over the ground, just a sea of fireflies twinkling. They were in the air all around us, too. It truly is spectacular. I wonder why God created those fireflies. To make them so special and so unique, different than any other fireflies in the world. They have a purpose, just like we all do. We just have to be open to God's will and let him be in control of our lives and lead us to the great things he has in store for us.

We also found an old cemetery up there. Billie and I had a wonderful time reading the tombstones. You could almost tell the entire history of the people buried there by reading the tombstones. One couple had lost several infant children, and the wife was very young when she passed as well; 28 years old. She passed away just a few years after two of her infant children. Her babies only lived a few days, one of them passed the same day she was born. What we found so interesting is that the husband passed away 62 years after the wife did. They were buried there right next to each other, after all those years. And there were fresh flowers placed on the grave. I wonder if they didn't have one or more children that did survive that kept flowers there for them. There is no point to all this rambling other than just to share with you how interesting we found the story, and how our minds ran wild with it and tried to fill in the gaps. While my heart broke for them, I felt a sort of bond with them, too. The loss of a spouse way before their time. Their precious babies ripped from their arms. I know too well the heartache that leaves. I thought to myself that losing two babies is enough to kill you. We couldn't help but want to hear the whole story. I will think of them for a long time.

So on to the latest with us, I know I promised to fill you in on the iPhone. No real luck there, after a week in the rice it still wouldn't power on. We took it to Apple to see what they suggested, and they told us to sell it on EBay. We were very honest about it-big bold letters saying "WATER DAMAGED iPhone" and it sold! Unbelievable! We were so lucky, and so happy! Matt was able to replace it with the money he got from the sale of the river sunk phone!

As far as the theft of all the camping equipment, our insurance company covered it all, minus our deductible. We were very fortunate, and thank goodness for insurance! You think when you are having to pay for it, what is the point? But they were wonderful and quick and very fair. We were able to replace most of what was stolen, and will eventually replace the rest as we need it, if we need it.

Matt did get a job! He will start on June 15. We are so thankful and happy. This will be very different for him, going out to a job every day instead of working from the house. We are so excited about it though. It will be a big change for him, so I am prayerful that he will love it and adjust well. We will miss him around the house, though. Billie especially, because they have been able to spend so much time together. We will just have to be like most families and be thankful for the time we have when we are not at work and school.

We do have some sad news to share with you. I thought about not sharing this, but you have been so faithful and prayerful for us, I decided you deserved to know. We were expecting another baby, but I lost it to miscarriage at 5 1/2 weeks. It would have been due January 28, 2010. Just a few days after I was due with Billie! I feel like it was a girl, just a gut feeling, of course. I am doing OK now, but I had a hard week. I know God has wonderful plans for us and I just have to be patient and know that it is His will and His timing that is good and right, and not my own. I loved that baby, and we were so excited. I mourned that baby and continue to do so, but I know that God has a plan for me and my family. The doctors are not sure what happened. They did do some testing and I may get some more information next week, and they may not get any more information that will help us. 1 in 4 babies are miscarried, it is just very common and most of the time the reason is not known. Brian told Matt a beautiful truth that really helped me. He was his mother's fourth child. She had lost two between his sister and him, and if she had not lost them, he would not have been born. They would have stopped at two. How beautiful is that? Not only would we not have had Brian, but we would not have had Matt and David, Chandler, Joshua and Caleb, either. That gave me the hope I needed to get through those first few days, when the darkness was almost more than I could stand and I didn't want to live. I am ashamed to admit how low I let it get me, how sad and distraught I was. But I am better today, and seeing God in Elkmont, in His fireflies. that helped me get to this point. I am blessed by a wonderful husband, a super fantastic daughter, and an amazingly awesome support group in my family and friends. I have to keep my chin up and keep going for all of them. I am excited to see what God has in store for me in the next year. Joshua and Caleb's birthday is right around the corner and we plan on celebrating it and celebrating what they did for us and what they did for so many others. God blessed us with beautiful miracle twin boys, and I am going to be thankful for that no matter what curves are thrown at me. God loves me and God is good.

Thank you so much for your support and faithful prayers. I know I always tell you I will write again soon, and I guess I will just tell you I mean well. I promise I will always eventually update you and share with you. And I will try to do better about getting updates to you! Love to you all!

Stupid Mistakes

Hello, all. I hope everyone had a wonderful Easter. We had a wonderful time visiting with Evan in North Carolina. We were supposed to go visit him in Atlanta, but his leave was cut short and he could not go further than 250 miles from base. So, we packed up all our camping gear and headed to him. We had a wonderful two days with him. We got to play at the beach one day, and we got to see his room on base, plus he went camping with us so we had his undivided attention! Billie especially enjoyed his company. I would post pictures of the trip, but Matt used his phone to take all of the pictures and I accidentally dropped his phone in the river. Imagine how stupid and horrible I still feel! He was so sweet to me, though. He got mad for maybe a second, and immediately proceeded to making me feel better about it. He really is wonderful. We have the phone now "soaking" in rice. We "googled" what to do, and that seemed like the least invasive way. Some posts actually suggested baking the phone in the oven! It may never work again, but we had to try. I will let you know once we try to turn it on again. To top all of that off, we were very tired getting in Sunday after a 9 hour drive, and it was about 12:30 in the morning, so we made the mistake of leaving the car full until the next morning. We were robbed during the night and most everything was stolen right out of our driveway! We felt so stupid and so violated. Billie talked about it at school and come to find out her best friend's car was also robbed one day last week and the police had arrested the people. When her parents went to the police department, they noticed some camping gear and called me to let me know. Turned out it was the same people and Matt went down to the police department and got some of our stuff back! Of course they had already sold a lot of the stuff, or just trashed it because they couldn't use it or sell it. Moral of the story, don't leave anything in your car, especially over night. And don't take cell phones to the river, or lake or any body of water! You would think you are safe in your own drive way, but it just isn't the case. Billie thought maybe they would listen to one of her "Jesus Cd's" (as she calls her gospel music) and they would learn about Jesus. She was so sweet about the whole thing, even though all of her movies and music Cd's were stolen. She really is an amazing girl.

Billie got a part in the musical at church, and we have been working at learning her lines. She is so excited about it! She is learning the part really good, and it suits her beautifully. She loves to sing and perform. She just shines when she is on stage, and I love to watch her. I will be sure to post pictures, it isn't until May 3rd.

I have to confess I have been struggling with worrying. I am just naturally a worry-wart. I hate it, and I fight it, but it is a constant struggle for me. My prayer is that I am able to submit myself, everything including my worries, over to the Lord and stop trying to control the things that are not in my control. Even when I think I have submitted my worries, I have this terrible habit of picking it back up. So it is this constant tug-of-war with myself. It is pretty exhausting, too! I of all people know that God is in control and that he will take care of our needs, but try convincing that to my very strong inner worrier. I am working on it!

I am gearing up for finals, they start April 28Th. I am scared but excited to have this semester behind me. I am going to school this summer, but I will get a couple weeks off from school in between. Billie is looking forward to the summer, I know. I am little sad that we will have to say goodbye to Mrs. Merryman, we just love her so much. I know she will go down as one of Billie's favorite teachers of all time! It is hard to believe this school year is fixing to wrap up! It has just flown by, as it always does. I think this catches you up for now, I will let you know how my finals go and what happens with the phone as soon as I know! Have a wonderful day, we love you all!

Happy Easter

We are getting ready to spend Easter with Evan. We are so excited to get to see him. Cathie made the girls beautiful Easter Dresses. I will be sure and post a picture of her in it after Easter.

We have been busy with school/work and just daily stuff. Seems like there are not enough hours in the days to get everything done. I have been working on a big project for one of my classes. It is a personal ecological analysis and has been very interesting. I am discovering exactly why I am who I am--kind of scary. I have learned so much in this class, Human Development, and I wish everyone that plans to have children could take it. I hope I use what I have learned to be a better mom and a better person overall. Do you think my professor will find my life story interesting? I can't wait for the feedback. It has been an emotional project for me, but fun, too.

I went back and read some of my earlier blogs, I can't believe how many typos and misspelled words I had! Sorry, hope none of my English teachers have read them. I am bad about not finding my own mistakes.

We have been busy making summer plans for Billie. She is going to attend a camp at school called Camp Invention, go to bible school and take swimming lessons. She will be a pretty busy girl! She might do some kind of day camp that offers horseback riding, too.

Billie and I are both ready for this semester to be over! We are looking forward to warm weather and sunshine. The weather is nice again today, but we had snow yesterday! Nothing that stuck to the roads, just the roof tops; but it was 80 on Sunday and snow on Tuesday! Go figure, it makes no sense. It is supposed to be really warm the rest of this week, though. I am ready for sunshine and warm temps to get here and stay here. I know I will complain in the end of July when it is scorching hot, but right now I just want it to be warm.

I must get back to my project, but I wanted to say hello and let you know if you have been having trouble seeing the website, we are working on fixing it now. Something got messed up at the server, but hopefully it will be fixed for good soon.

Happy Spring

We have been so busy! So, just quick blog to try to catch everyone up. I am back at work at the Credit Union, and it feels so good to be back. But it is hard to find time for all of my responsibilities, so some things have had to take a back seat (like blogging). I am busy studying for an accounting exam this weekend. I am finding it hard to concentrate, though. Billie went this weekend with her Grandparents and had a wonderful time. It is good to have her back at home. We missed her, and I think by the way she is acting she must have missed us a little, too.

It has been so nice this weekend outside. I am enjoying the warm weather. I have been uplifted and blessed just by the warm sunshine, it has really changed my mood and overall outlook. I am so ready for spring! We all are. We have tons of bulbs beginning to peak through the ground. It is very exciting for Billie. This fall we spent one whole day outside on the beds getting them shaped up and then planting tulips, hyacinths and daffodils. She is so excited to see them bloom this spring. I'm just happy that they all appear to have been planted the right way and are going to come up! She was such a big help that day and so joyful about it.

We got to talk to Evan today. We were surprised to hear he will be deployed to Afghanistan in May. Shocked, actually. It is still settling in. But we knew that was a big possibility, and we know God is an AWESOME God and will be going with him. We will just pray for his safe return and rest in the assurance of God's ability to protect him. Billie was so worried the day he joined the Marines that he was going to war. She prays for him all of the time. She handled the news good, really. She was surprised and is worried. But I thought she would just really be devastated, because she has been twice when she mistakenly thought he was going to war by something we had said. She is so brave and so strong. She makes me so proud every single day.

So besides being very busy and ready for spring break, we are good and just taking it day by day. I haven't really blogged about it, because I am not sure that Matt will really want me to, but so everyone knows what we are up to I think it is OK to say that Matt was laid off in December and is searching for a job now. As you all know, now is not the best time to be looking for a job, and in the advertising field is probably one of the worst. But we are searching for that and also for more freelance jobs that he can do to keep himself busy with. It is just a terrible time to be searching, and he really had let all of his freelance stuff go since he was so busy with his full time job. We are hoping something will happen soon, either in freelance or a full time position. But God is good and we have everything we need.

I will try to not let as much time go by before my next blog, I promise! Love to you all, and Happy Spring!! Enjoy the blessing of this wonderful warm weather, I know we are!

Happy Valentine's Day

Happy Valentine's Day, late! We had a very exciting weekend. We went to Johnson City to spend it with Cathie and Brian. Saturday we went to the Fossil Site in Gray, TN. It is so neat! We all really enjoyed it, if you get a chance to go, it is worth it. The museum was much better than I thought it would be. It had some good hands-on stuff that Billie especially enjoyed. In the summer they actually "dig" so it might be a little more fun to go then when you might see them in action. Although it seems to be a very pain-staking slow process, so I don't know how much action you can see while observing paleontologists digging. But, nonetheless, it was great and worthwhile.
Saturday night we went to what Billie called "The Valentine's Ball." It was a wonderful dinner at Cathie and Brian's church. We had a wonderful meal and got to visit with church members that Matt has known since he was little. We all got dressed up and it felt special. Billie did have a "ball" and she said it was the best night of her life when we were leaving. We were worried she might have found it not as "ball-like" as she thought it was going to be, but evidently it was close to what she had anticipated.
On Sunday we went to church and shared pictures of the boys with their Sunday School class, which is always so fun for us. We got a nice message both in church and in Sunday School, too, so we got a lot out of the morning! We went to Abingdon, VA in the afternoon and got to walk through the Martha Washington Inn, which is an old mansion/hotel that Martha Washington actually stayed at. It was used as a Womens College at one time, too. After that we went to The Barter Theatre and we saw the musical "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat." It was so good! We all absolutely loved it, especially Billie. I can't even tell you how well done the entire thing was. Billie had a lot of fun with some of the actors, one in particular, that were mingling in the audience before the performance started. They were mimes, really, and very good entertainers. Before the second Act began, they came out with Egyptian-like costumes and Billie and one of the actors did and Egyptian dance together. Billie just thought that was wonderful and when the curtain call came, she waved specifically to the young woman that she had danced with and was tickled pink when she waved back to her. Afterwards, we went down to the stage to say hello, but her "girl in pink" had already left the stage. She got big tears in her eyes and almost lost it, she was very tired, but managed to keep in control of herself. She was very disappointed she didn't get to talk to her favorite actor, and did not have any interest at all in the two stars of the show that were directly in front of her and more than willing to talk to her. I hope she didn't hurt their feelings! She was pitiful. The drive back to Johnson City she was so tired and fighting sleep so hard she about drove all of us grown-ups crazy! She was just jabbering and making noise only to keep herself from falling asleep. We all expected her to drop at any second, but she didn't. We had a wonderful dinner that Cathie made for us of lasagna and salad and fresh homemade bread and after dinner we headed back home to Knoxville. We had such a good weekend, but we were pretty tired once we got home. Billie was out of school today for Presidents day and managed to sleep in until 9 this morning, which is very unusual for her. She was exhausted, obviously.
Matt treated us to a night of Fondue to celebrate Valentine's Day on Thursday. We celebrated early since we had weekend plans. He got fresh strawberries, pineapple, pears, oranges and bananas and made a creamy dark chocolate for dipping. It was so good and fun! Billie had fun telling her friends at school about it the next day.
Friday we had a special treat, our friend (and Billie's soccer coach), Laura, took us to a movie. We let Billie go to my moms house for the evening and we saw "Taken." It was so good. I guess it scared Matt, though, because before bed that night he double checked the locks on all the doors! He never does that! HEHE It was sweet, he didn't want any one coming in and getting his two girls. Too cute. The movie was scary, but it had a good ending. Any teenage girl or young woman needs to see it.
So today I have been putting the finishing touches on my paper for Life Span Nutrition that is due tomorrow and Matt has been learning a new update to a program that he uses for work. Billie cleaned her room and now is watching "Little Women." We are making today productive since we played all weekend long! I think that catches you up, since it has been two weeks since my last blog! I am sorry for that, but with school it is hard to find the time to blog. Hope you all had a good Valentine's Day and have a wonderful week!

Happy 39th Nikki

It is my sister, Nikki's, 39Th birthday, and I could not let the day go by with out making enough people aware of that fact! HEHE I am pretty sure it is the law for a younger sister to abuse her older sister on her 39Th birthday, and since I am always a rule follower, I felt compelled to include a blog about it. Don't worry, I won't embarrass her or myself any further, although a naked baby picture posted here would be adorable. (I looked for one, but I don't have any. SNAP!) I do not know how she is planning to celebrate this MOMENTOUS day, probably a quiet evening with her family. Although, with 4 kids I doubt it is ever very quiet around there except when they are eating! It is amazing to me that we are all getting close to 40, meaning my generation is 40-ish. I remember when my parents turned 30. I remember thinking that was so old. I remember my mom giving my dad a surprise 30th birthday party. My parents never had birthday parties, so I am sure that is why I can remember it, it had a huge impact on my life at the time. It was a fun day, although I was very little and do not remember much at all. We lived in the "little green house" ( we have silly names for all of the old houses we lived in, usually they go with the street name, but that one we stuck with the size and color. Everyone in my extended family will picture that house if you say the name of it, though!) We had amazing neighbors at that house, and our families all stayed friends for years and years. Anyway, none of this is very interesting and I am not even sure where I was going with it, other than to say that I can remember my parents in their 30's and thinking how old they were, and here I am in my mid-thirties. It doesn't seem possible. It doesn't bother me, don't get me wrong. It is just something strange to try to wrap your mind around. You know those kind of things, if you kind of take a step back and let your mind run off with the "notion". The kind of things that if you spend too long thinking about it your head might hurt, or you might start crying or laughing hysterically. It is just one of those things.

I had that experience yesterday. I was sitting in my Nutrition class and we are learning about Nutrition in Pregnancy and the lecture was about things that go wrong and all of the risks and stuff. Very depressing, even the professor mentioned that fact and said he hates that lecture, too. Of course, my mind was fighting my listening skills and it eventually won. I went back to that first ultra sound. The tech turned the monitor on and put the "wand" on my belly and I saw two heads, and then she reached up and pressed a button and the monitor went off, and I thought it must have been the last person that was there before me that had twins. Matt walked in just then and gave me a look like "You started with out me?" and I said we had just started, hadn't seen anything yet. We were joking around because I wanted to know the sex of the baby, but he didn't. And the tech finally interrupted us and said "There is something wrong and I have to tell you now." We said OK. I totally thought she was going to say "I see spina bifida" or maybe downs syndrome, which we would have been fine with. But when she said "It's twins and they are conjoined. I am so sorry." I just lost it. Matt didn't hear the "conjoined" part he just heard twins, and he got so excited. I was screaming, "What? What do you mean?" and he kissed me and said "Twins!" and told me to calm down we don't know anything yet. I said "Did you hear her, they are conjoined?" Then he too started crying. She said she was going to get a doctor and left the room. She came back in about 3 minutes and said "OK. The doctor is not coming in here. He told me to take some measurements and put you in a room. So we are not going to be recording this or taking any pictures. We are just going to get some measurements." She was clearly upset, and thinking back, I realize she had been put in a horrible position. It wasn't her job to explain all of this to us. I finally asked her where they were conjoined and she said at the torso and she gave us a little information, but she had never seen conjoined twins before so she just couldn't be sure about anything. The rest of the day was crazy, we waited for a few hours in a waiting room until they finally put us in a room. My doctor was not there that day, and the doctor we had an appointment with never did come in. My doctors' nurse did come in just to hug me, I had gone there for 10 +years. Finally another doctor came in and told us he could get us in to see the high risk doctor down stairs and did we want him to go down there and get an appointment for us, as they were not answering the phone since it was lunch time. Of course we said yes, and in his surgery scrubs, he went down there and then came back up and escorted us down there. That is where I made my mind go back to the lecture and stopped the trip down memory lane. I had a sob gripping my throat, but I swallowed hard and it passed. As I walked out of the building, I ran into a Chemistry T.A. I had for Gen Chem, Onamae. I loved her! She hugged me and asked how I was, and she said the most remarkable thing before I could even tell her how I was she said "You look really happy!" I told her I was and we caught up for a few minutes and then I headed home. The whole way home I reflected about what she must have saw in me. I am happy. God has given me the peace and strength AND the happiness I wanted and prayed for. I don't even know when it happened, it must have been gradual, not like I just woke up one day and there it was. I hadn't even realized until Onamae mentioned it though, but the dark cloud is lifted. I don't feel that tightening in my chest as often. Even though I miss the boys, my arms don't ache constantly to hold them. Not that I don't still have my moments, I do, but they are even fewer apart than the last time I figured out that I was better! I guess "being better" is something that is so gradual that I take it for granted until it is thrown in my face and I have to remember to thank God for it. God is good! I am just terrible at remembering to thank him for everything, not just the obvious things, but for especially the tiny things that mean the most and are actually the biggest and most important. Thank God he knows my heart and doesn't hold my mistakes against me. God is so very good.