Peace That Passes All Understanding

"Peace that passes all understanding," I had it yesterday morning. I can still remember it, although I do not feel it today. I know it was in me, that God gave it to me, and that he will give it to me again. He will give it to Matt, too. I felt God's hand on my shoulder, and I heard him tell me "Good job." I am trying so hard to live for the Lord, to make God proud of me, to please Him. I have been so sad over the loss of my babies. My arms feel empty and I long to look into their eyes. I never got to look into their eyes or hear them cry. I wish I could go back to those twenty minutes we had with them and do it all over again. I keep finding strength and comfort every time I read my bible, so I have done a lot of that. Yesterday morning, I picked up my bible and prayed. I asked God to give me what I needed. He gave me so much more. I opened my bible to 1Peter and read verse 1-16:
" Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade-kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith-of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire-may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.
Concerning this salvation, the prophets, who spoke of the grace that was to come to you, searched intently and with the greatest care, trying to find out the time and circumstances to which the Spirit of Christ in them was pointing when he predicted the sufferings of Christ and the glories that that would follow. It was revealed to them that they were not serving themselves but you. when they spoke of the things that have now been told you by those who have preached the gospel to you by the Holy Spirit sent from heaven. Even angels long to look into these things.
Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled;set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed. As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance. But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do, for it is written: 'Be holy, because I am holy."
God is good, and I was able to say that yesterday morning and this morning, just as I said I would. I said it out loud to Billie, and explained myself to her before I sat down and read the passage above in my bible. Maybe that is why I felt God was pleased with me, and he let me know.
I am trying not to ask "Why," even though that is very hard not to ask. We wanted God's will from the beginning, and I feel confident that is what we got. I want to be satisfied with that, but I think that will take some time to really feel. Once I have gotten through some of this over whelming grief, then I will truly be able to see God's will and how it touched our lives.
I can tell you this, the "Peace that passes all understanding" is a real thing. You feel it in your bones, and it is a beautiful feeling. I can't wait for the day I get to feel it again. I will keep reading and praying and believing so that I do have it again. I hope everyone gets to feel that at some point in their lives. I never could comprehend what that meant until yesterday. It is beautiful.

Strength

I haven't had a lot to say in the last five days. Well, that is not exactly true. I was always taught if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all, so I have been silent. Even knowing that God is with us and that his will was done, I found myself completely taken over by my grief in the last five days. I know Matt feels the same way, too. We are leaning on each other, though, and are drawn closer by our grief for which I am so thankful to God for. Today our boys would be two weeks old. By now we would know their personalities well; which was more fussy and demanding, which was the good eater, and which really needed his sleep. I miss all that comes with having a baby, and I miss it twice as much. It is amazing that I had identical twins! When I step back and try to wrap my mind around it I find it so hard to believe and even understand. I never thought I would have twins. They blessed my life so much and completely changed me forever. I am so lucky to have experienced our Miracle Twin Boys. I think I will like the woman they made me better than the woman I was. Let's hope everyone else does, too! I know they have made me more thankful to God for every thing and every one. I see things differently, through different eyes. Eyes that are not only more thankful, but more wise, strong, sad and loving. I am not even sure that anyone can understand what I mean unless you have been where we have been. This experience was so different from anything I have ever been through before. Pregnancy the first time brought me such joy and honor. I felt more beautiful and closer to God. I felt so very honored that He found me good enough to bless me with a baby. With Joshua and Caleb I still felt so blessed each time they kicked, and they did a TON of kicking! I also felt so scared and I would pray to God to let them stay where they were forever because I knew they were safe there. I would gladly have stayed pregnant for the rest of my life, just to keep them safe and with us. I also would tell the boys to stay where they were; that as much as I wanted to meet them it wasn't yet time and I needed them to be happy with their current home so that I could keep them safe. The day I went into labor, I knew there was no stopping it and I no longer prayed for that. I instantly went into praying for strength and peace and for God's will. God prepared me for that day, and I was at a place of acceptance. I am so blessed by God that he gave me that. I do admit that over the past two weeks I have begged him to change it, to give us our boys back. Of course, I knew that would not be possible. I knew the second my boys were in heaven and I have always known you do not come back from heaven. I really do not want to take heaven away from my boys, either. But the mommy in me misses them and longs to hold them and love them and take care of them. I can't stop that instinct, and I do not want to. This is just something that I have to work through. So I find myself this morning reading my bible and praying again for strength and peace. I have prayed for that before and He answered my prayers then and He will now, too. It will be in His time, though. After I have learned all from this that he wants me to learn. I am open to the lesson, although I am scared. It can't be worse than what I have already been through, I just hope it isn't to get me ready for some other, bigger challenge. I really do not want to go through anything harder or sadder, and that is what I am scared about. People always say "this is to make you stronger," and to that I have to ask "FOR WHAT?" Are you kidding me? If I have to go through something bigger than this, than my first thought is "I quit!" But the truth is, I know I will not quit. I know God will see me through as he has everything. He is Good and he always carries me through. He has a wonderful plan for me and my family, and I am excited to see that plan. He has blessed us so much, and I am so thankful for my three beautiful children and my wonderful husband. I will always remember that, even when I am in my darkest mood. I know that I do not need my own strength, only the strength that God gives me. I will not try to be strong, but I will let God be strong for me.
"It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect. He makes my feet like the feet of a deer; he enables me to stand on the heights. He trains my hands for battle; my arms can bend a bow of bronze. You give me your shield of victory, and your right hand sustains me; you stoop down to make me great. You broaden the path beneath me, so that my ankles do not turn." Psalm 19:32-36 This passage gave me strength this morning. God helped me find it so that he could strengthen me this morning because he knew I needed it. Every day for the rest of my life I will say "God is GOOD." I will say it and I will mean it and I will believe it and I will hold on to it deep down in my heart. God has done so much for me through my whole life and I want to acknowledge this every day so that I will not forget even for a second how GOOD God really is to me.

Empty

We both woke up this morning feeling so empty. I guess it was good to have something to plan and busy ourselves with over the last few days. This morning we had to face it more. I am sure tomorrow will be even more so. I don't know what to think about this morning's service, and I am scared for it. I know God will get us through it, though, like he did last night.
If you were there last night, then you know how amazing it was. It was even better than I had imagined it would be. Dr. Crocker did a wonderful job, he is so fantastic. He says exactly what is on his heart and he is not afraid and I love that about him, and I miss hearing him on a regular basis so bad. He has supported us every step of the way through this, and he is so dear to both of our hearts. He married us, so I am sure that puts him in a special place by itself, but he always calls us and comes by to see us. Whenever we felt like we were faced with a decision, he would come over and let us talk it out. We kept him here many late nights, we are both LONG WINDED! I suppose it did not bother him too bad, because he kept coming back for more every time we needed him. You thanked us last night, David, but we really need to thank you.
We also want to to thank the choir. We were absolutely blown away when we walked in and saw a full choir. The song was beautiful and it was so good to have you leading us in the other songs. Dr. Bill Davis was wonderful, too. I kept thinking as I was standing there that it didn't even feel like we were at a funeral. If the casket had not been in the front of the room, I could have told myself we weren't at a funeral and I would have believed it.
I was so scared when we started last night, I was trembling in fear. I have only done that a few times in my life, the most recent being going into the surgery on the 15th. It always surprises me when I do that, tremble in fear. Usually it is when I have not even been aware that I was so scared. The same was last night. This is a much different feeling than being nervous. I know how that feels, and while I don't feel that often, I always recognize it. You know, the butterflies in your tummy kind of feeling. Little things can bring that on; speaking in front of a crowd, meeting new people, things like that. This was different and it comes from deep inside me, a place that I don't usually let open, and I really can not control it once it is open. It is always the unknown that opens it. I had no idea how that surgery was going to end, either with how my body would end up and what would happen to my precious babies. Last night was no different, I had never experienced the funeral of my children and I was terrified. I ended up being so comforted by the end, and I felt so much better when we left last night. The service was exactly how we wanted it - we wanted everyone in attendance to understand "To God be the Glory," and that God is our Father; he wants to take care of us. He hurts when we hurt, and I found myself able to remember that as I sat there watching the slide shows of that miraculous day I held my sweet babies. I am sure it was God that was telling me he hated to see me cry. I know he is also hurting watching Matt and I and our families grieve for the babies we loved so much.
The slide shows were so perfect. Our friends Joe and Leatha made the first one for us and we want to thank them, as well. It was so beautiful. Matt and I didn't watch it before last night, we wanted to see it in the moment and not spoil it. We are so blessed to have such good friends all around us. We have so many people taking such good care of us all of the time, and we felt that last night. The second slide show our friend Nancy made for us, she is a photographer and we met her last year when she photographed our wedding. She went above and beyond for our special day, and we became friends during that time. She was gracious enough to agree to help us capture our memories with our boys. She was on call ever since we found out we had conjoined twins. The beautiful prints you saw last night were also hers. We love her work and we knew she would give us what we needed of that day. She went above and beyond for us again, and we love her so much for that. She had a friend, Erin, that came with her and helped her capture so some of the pictures are also Erin's. I want to make sure they both get the credit they deserve for our beautiful portraits.
The songs we picked for each slide show are also special to us. Roger, our anesthesiologist, played the Jack Johnson Curious George soundtrack during our surgery so we used several songs from that cd. We can remember each of them playing during the surgery, but they also have wonderful meaning in their word's. The other song we chose was by Sarah Groves and it was called "Song for My Sons." Ann, a nurse from the NICU, gave us the cd. We sat down to listen to it and I was blown away at lyrics. It is like she crawled into my mind and wrote the song. It is perfect for my sons. I love it, and ever since the slide show last night it has played in my thoughts nonstop.
It is time to get ready for the service, and I am scared again today. I know God will get us through today, and the next day, and the next. God is GOOD, he has a plan for our lives just like he did for Joshua and Caleb and I will not allow myself to doubt that, even in my grief and sadness and emptiness. I know God will hold us today and give us the strength to do what we have no choice but to do. I know this hardly compares, but we have found ourselves comparing this to God losing Jesus. We were talking about that yesterday, that he knows our pain first hand because he lost his son, too. But the difference is God is in control of this, as he was with Jesus. HE could have backed out, but he didn't. If we were in control of this we would have backed out long ago. I don't understand how he was able to go through with it, but that is just one of the many things I can not comprehend of our Father. He is so great, so greater than I can even comprehend.
The picture here is of the mold of the boys' hands that Ann, one of our NICU nurses, gave us. She and some of the other nurses spent hours making these and they took us by such surprise when she gave them to us. We knew they had made them, of course, but we had no expectations in our heads of what they would look like. We were so empty after losing the boys and we longed to hold them and kiss them just one more time. These molds helped ease the longing a little, they filled a part of that emptiness we had been feeling. We will treasure them always, thank you to Ann and everyone that helped to make them. They are irreplaceable.

God Is Good

I wanted to share this picture, you can see Caleb looking at his Daddy. It is one of my favorites. Isn't it beautiful? Both Joshua and Caleb must have recognized their Daddy's voice, because you can see their eyes turn to the sound of it, each at a separate time. First of all, please let us thank you for your prayers and support once again. The guestbook has been busy, and that warms our hearts so much. We are also getting lots of cards through the mail and it lifts us up and helps us face everything we are having to face. I can tell you this has been the most emotional week we have had in our lives, and I am sure tomorrow will prove the worst of all. As hard as all of this has been, it has been cleansing, too. I am not sure which was harder, buying the cemetery space or writing the obituary. Each day I thought that I wouldn't make it through, but some how in the night I grew stronger and felt more at peace with the dawn of the new morning. God is so amazing and we feel him with us through every step of this process. We yearn for our babies, though. I miss them from this place deep in my soul that I didn't even know was there. I know from experience that I will learn to live with this emptiness and it will feel further away from me as time passes. I can't decide if I want that day to hurry and get here or if I just want it to wait because that puts me further away from the day I held my baby boys. You can not imagine, or maybe you can if you have babies of your own, the wonderful feeling of holding those two boys in my arms. They were warm and tiny and so sweet. When I close my eyes I see their faces, their beautiful faces. Matt sees the same thing. We find comfort in their nursery, praise God for that. It is still the prettiest room in our house! Although Billies room is a close second.

I am sure many of you are wondering how Billie is doing, and you can rest assured that she is doing good. She is the most amazing 7 year old that has ever been, if you ask me and I realize I am biased. She has her moments when she is sad and she misses her brothers, but like any 7 year old she wants to eat ice cream and watch TV and go swimming. She is very worried about Matt and I, and she is able to show her concern. We have let her go with friends and family so she can get away from the constant sorrow that is around us most of the time. I talked to her on the phone last night before she went to bed and she asked me how I was feeling and then she said " I am so glad that tomorrow is Tuesday and you get to get your staples out. I know that you will feel better and walk better when the doctor takes those out." I asked her how she knew and she said that I had told her and she had been counting down the days since then. She was so excited when I told her I had been to the doctor's yesterday and they decided to take my staples out early. Her reaction was priceless and it wasn't so much the words but the true relief in her sweet little voice. God continues to bless us through Billie and we are so thankful for her.

I received a letter from my aunt yesterday and we were truly comforted more than any one letter or card has comforted us and I want to share some of that with you. I am not going to name her so all of my family can now sit and wonder which of my many wonderful aunts it could be! She shared with us something that I never knew, that she and my uncle lost their first child. He only lived for one hour after his birth. She told us that when she searched for answers to the inevitable question of "Why Me," she stumbled upon a hymn that gave her great comfort. I do not know the name of the hymn or who wrote it, but I am still going to quote it here and I hope the writer will forgive me. I am sure a lot of you know the hymn:

"Does Jesus care when I've said 'Good Bye'

To the dearest on earth to me,

And my sad heart aches till it nearly breaks,

Is it aught to Him? Does He see?

Oh yes, He cares, I know He cares,

His heart is touched with my grief;

When the days are weary, the long nights dreary,

I know my Savior Cares."

I know there are so many out there who have also lost babies and know the pain we are going through. I guess it is true that misery loves company, because knowing this about my aunt instantly gave me this feeling of a tighter bond with her and it was like Jesus tied our hearts together with a string because, although my heart ached knowing that she knew my pain, it was also comforted that there had been someone dear to me that had been through this and survived. Knowing that she was able to live through this pain and be OK helped us last night. No one should have to feel this pain, it just isn't fair. I know that God was protecting us, though, in not allowing us to take our babies home. As much as we thought we wanted and needed that, it would have made this a hundred times harder. The more time we had with them, the more we would have wanted. No time would have been enough for us. My heart breaks for all of those parents who have lost not babies but their children. That pain has to be so unbearable, I can not even imagine. As much as our loss hurts, that would be worse. We count our blessings and we are able to see that God is good and is watching over us and taking such good care of us.

For those who do not know, the receiving of friends will be at Central Baptist Church of Fountain City Wednesday, July 23, 2008 from 6 PM to 8 PM with the funeral service immediately following. The graveside service will be Thursday, July 24, 2008 at 11 AM at Lynnhurst Cemetery.

They Are Miracle Twin Boys

They are miracle twin boys. Where do I begin today? It is with a heavy heart that I share with you the news of our two beautiful miracles. They were such a blessing to us and we want everyone to know that. They were perfect. They lived for about an hour and a half. We got to hold them for twenty minutes while they were still living. Those twenty minutes were the most precious twenty minutes we have ever experienced. Joshua was born first, he was delivered head first while Caleb was born about 30-45 seconds later breach, figure that one out!! The doctor did struggle to get them out, but the surgery could not have gone better. We do not know the exact second their heart stopped beating, but I do think Caleb passed a few minutes before Joshua did. A mother knows, that is the only way to explain it. They were so peaceful the entire time. They did not have mature lungs, and they didn't have enough lung capacity to survive. They did try very hard though, and the doctors and nurses from the NICU did everything they could for our boys. God blessed us with what time we did have. As much as we love them, we know God loves them even more and now they are two boys living and breathing with Jesus. God our father is holding us through this and we feel his love and we know that he did what was best for us and for Joshua and Caleb.

We have some beautiful photographs that our photographer came and captured and we will share those with you later. We did want to give you something, so the pictures here we took of each other during our time with the boys. We kept them with us until early Wednesday morning. Billie came and saw them and was so brave and sweet. She was able to kiss them and touch them and tell them good bye. We could not have been more proud of the way she handled herself.

I know everyone is wondering about a service, and we just haven't been able to think about that yet. We will update here as soon as we have made arrangements, but that will not be for a few more days. I have to heal some physically, and we both need to prepare ourselves emotionally before we tackle that.

Know that we are loving each other through this. We miss our babies so much but we know that they are with Jesus and they are precious in His sight. They were God's children before they were ours. The most important thing you could want as a parent for your children is a relationship with God. Our boys not only know God but they are with him. We imagine him rocking them and bouncing them on his knee. If it were not for God, we could not do this. We asked him to hold us through this and he has and he is. We are very blessed by God and we are very thankful to Him for the gift he gave us. In the beginning we said we just wanted to hold them alive, if even for a few minutes, and God allowed us that time. We will forever hold that memory in our hearts. Together we share a memory of the best twenty minutes of our lives and no one can ever take that away from us. We know what it felt like to be the parents of Joshua and Caleb. We are blessed by God.

For When I am Weak, Then I am Strong

Sunday morning Matt mentioned he would like to visit Cokesbury United Methodist that morning if I was up to it. I think it was the first thing out of his mouth when he woke up, actually. I was up to it so we got ready and went. I am convinced God wanted us there that morning to hear the message. They also had the Lord's Supper and we got to do that together and pray together. It was a very emotional morning for us, exhausting actually, but it has stuck with all three of us. I am so thankful we were there. I want to share with you what I learned from the sermon. I hope I do not butcher it too bad!

The message was from 2 Corinthians 12:7- 10, and it reads: "To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

I am sure you have seen the visa commercial with the runner from the '96 Olympics that was hurt in the middle of his race and his father runs down on the track and carries his son across the finish line. The minister used the story here to explain how God, as our father, wants to do that for us. He is strongest when we are weakest. I realized sitting there that I am at my weakest, my situation has beaten me, but I go on every day because God is carrying me through. God is so strong, and his love for us is all around us. I completely feel in the presence of God, and I completely feel his hands on my life, on my family and on my miracle twin boys. No matter the outcome, I know that God will get me through this. I can not imagine what it will be like to hold these boys, to meet them face to face and finally lay my eyes on them. I can not imagine what it will be like if I also have to give them up. It seems like an impossible task, especially after feeling them move inside of me for the past several months. I know that it is a real possibility, though, and as much as I hate it and dread it, I know that God will carry me through it, as he always has. God is my "Dad" that wants to protect me from hurting, wants to take my burdens and carry them for me. I just have to let him. He wants to do that for all of his children, and it is so amazing that he can and he does. Needless to say, it was a humbling experience for Matt and I, and I am so thankful for the powerful message that was needed to be heard by us, and for God getting us there that morning, too. He has a plan, and it is so GOOD.

Billie also got a lot out of the message, she shared it with us later that night. It is funny how you can hear the same thing, but get a totally different lesson out of it. The message was titled "Life is Too Short- To Give Up" and it was when she was saying her prayers that night that she asked God to let the minister know "that he is wrong, that life is not short as long as you believe in Jesus you will have eternal life." It was precious, and we were impressed that she had been listening. She is getting so big, and she is such a blessing to us in so many ways. God gets to us through her a lot, and it is so powerful.

OK, I hope I gave that the justice it deserved. Moving on to our doctor's visit on Monday. I didn't gain any weight, which I thought very exciting! I did grow 2cm more, however. The boys heart beat was back up to 128bpm. They are head down, which is much more comfortable on me, and they are hiding their faces, for the most part. We did get a picture of one of them, and I will try to get it up this week for you. I do not know whose face it is, but since they are identical, I guess it doesn't really matter!

I went in with a missing voice and not feeling very well from a sore throat, and they gave me some meds and "tickled my throat" ( as Billie calls it), but the strep test came back negative. I am finally feeling and sounding much better today. Overall, not much has changed and it was once again a very good visit. We will go again on Tuesday and hopefully get some more information as far as delivery and dates. It is still bothering us that our doctors do not agree on how to do the c-section so we have requested that they get together and work out a plan and then sit down with us on Tuesday and go over it with us. I am so anxious about delivery, after all this is surgery, and the fact that they do not agree is just too much on me. I know things may change once they begin and see what they are facing, but I need a tentative plan that they can all agree on. And since we will be 34 weeks, we feel it is time to get some kind of a date nailed down. We are both planners, so it will just give us a little feeling of control, and that will be comforting. It probably will not matter what we plan, God's in control of this as he has been from the start, so we are only kidding ourselves with a date!

Kelly and Evan's Visit

I wanted to share these pictures of our visit with Kelly Wells and Evan. We enjoyed the company of each of them so much. Evan was here for a few days and on his last day here Kelly got here and the two of them were able to meet each other, so that was fun for us to share the two of them. I have always been so close to Kelly, and it was so good for Matt and her to finally get to know each other. Kelly helped take care of me, and gave Matt some good time off so he could concentrate a little more on work. We all enjoyed Evan's company, as well. He is such a fine young man, and we are so proud of him.

Love Bear

This bear was given to us by The Center for Unlimited Possibilities. It was part of lots of prayers specifically prayed for us and the boys. In the letter that came with the love bear it said "All bears have been donated to The Center with the realization that love "beareth" all things." Julie and Bob brought us the bear, they are cousins of Kent Merrill, who is another friend of Brian and Cathie's. We were not able to meet with Julie and Bob when they visited, but Brian and Cathie were able to and they all prayed together with the Love Bear for us. Many thanks to all of you, and we will always cherish our love bear.

Swimming at Grandma and Grandpa's House

This was about a week ago, I love to be in the water. I feel so good, no contractions, no back ache, no swelling-it's a beautiful thing. So we went to Grandma and Grandpa's late in the afternoon and then we all went out to eat for dinner. Billie worked on her cannon ball, and Dexter (the dog) was very playful. Matt insisted on showing everyone my GIANT belly, sorry if it offends anyone!

The Boy's Gowns

These gowns were created by Serena Crowder, a friend of Cathie and Brian's. They are absolutely perfect, exactly as I envisioned them in my head. They have little blue ribbons at the neck and wrists, and the boy's names are embroidered on them, as well, at the bottom. If you are wondering how they will work, they will button to each other once they are slipped on each boy. The material was donated by Teresa and Steve Smith, who knew Matt as a member of the youth from church when he was younger. I can hardly wait to see the boys in the beautiful gowns, we will definitely share pictures of that with you all!

Pictures as Promised!

Ok, so I promised pictures of the nursery once we got the finishing touches on it, so here they are. While I was at it, I figured I should post some others as well, so there are a few from the last few weeks of different fun things we have gotten to do, just to catch everyone up. I hope everyone had a good 4th. We spent it at home, I wasn't feeling well and Matt had to work. Dave went grocery shopping for us and then stayed for the evening and we all had steak and salad and a very good time. Enjoy the pictures and have a very good weekend.

Poem

We wanted to share this poem with everyone, it is written by a friend of a friend especially for our boys:

A life begins at the touch of GOD’s hand, long before human kind can know or understand.Immediately a soul, in the tiniest of a shell
begins to flourish, in a water cocoon (9 months) they will dwell.
Expectations of parents upon learning the news,
a “perfect” little person(s) will emerge. Ultrasounds offering clues.
The key word here is perfect but Who makes this call?
Society tries to determine, however GOD knows more than us all.
The BIBLE teaches us that we are made in GOD’s image,
doesn’t single out a race, or a gender, country or religion.
I believe that GOD loves us all and sees the beauty in our souls.
We are all graced by HIS touch and our true hearts HE always knows.
Earthly trials bring us closer to understanding GOD’s love,
and rest assured he is always watching from Heaven above.
He holds us, he walks with us, and with patience he guides,
but painful journey’s sometimes await along life’s road on both sides.
It seems sometimes the “dark of night” bring the worst of our fears,
but the fear is replaced by “HOPE” when the morning light again appears.GOD is our true light and for these twins HE has a plan,as HIS shepherds, even as small as they are they are a blessing to “MAN”.Joshua and Caleb will rely on each other, joined together on this earth like God intends mankind to be joined with HIM beginning at our birth.We are not promised a given time of how long our earthly bodies will stay,but when we accept GOD’s loving grace our SOULS continue on to their final Eternal place.We can share in the joy, and the happiness of whatever time that GOD give us, and marvel in GOD’s blessings, and his path for man thru his BELOVED Son “ JESUS”.

Betty Ann Bowerman
June, 08

Thank you, Betty. We will treasure it always.

We had a wonderful day today as a family. Matt worked this morning, but then he took a break and took us to lunch and we all just relaxed and had fun enjoying each other's company. After we got home it was back to work for Matt, but Billie and I plopped ourselves on the couch and cuddled and watched TV together for a while. We all needed some good quality time together, and it put us all three in wonderful moods. Billie spent last week in Johnson City with her Grandma and Grandpa Rosecrance and her cousin Chandler swimming in the lake and riding horses. She came home for two days and then went to spend two nights with her Grandma and Grandpa and her cousins Riley and Mallory swimming and going to movies. It is so nice to have her back home and with us again, we really missed her but we are glad she was able to spend time with her Grandparents and have some good summer fun, too. It is amazing to think they only have a little more than a month before school starts again!