July 15, 2008

I can not believe it has been a year. A whole year since I kissed my babies heads; a whole year since I held them in my arms. A year is a long time. A very long time to miss your babies and long to hold them. Those feelings have not weakened, but my hope and peace have strengthened leaving me in a much better place emotionally than I was a year ago, physically, too! I was looking at their picture yesterday and I had one of those moments where you go too deep in thought and you confuse and amaze yourself. Do you know what I mean? I had these random thoughts going through my mind, "Those are your babies." "You had identical twins!" "You had conjoined twins!" "Your babies died a year ago." OK, so that was what I like to call "wallowing," so I stopped and busied myself with a project. But through out the day when I would look at the clock I would think, "Oh at this time a year ago, I was finding out they would be born that day," or "by now I was holding them." Which was just something I had to do. We took birthday balloons to the cemetery yesterday and went out to eat with Matt's family. Over all, we had a good day. I am still thankful to be a part of God's plan, and I know he has a great plan for me, my life, and my family. I really hope it involves more children, but I am open to God's will, no matter what it is. Thank you for your love and support, with out you all we would have a hard time finding the strength some days. God is GOOD--that hasn't changed over the last year, and it never will. I will thank God everyday for my many blessings, and try to wait patiently for the longings of my heart that God knows without me ever uttering a prayer. I uploaded some sweet pictures of our time with Joshua and Caleb to share with you. I think most of these you might not have seen on the blog before. Have a good day!