Flashback Friday

Two blogs in one day--now that is a record for me! So these pictures are from the Buddy's Race Against Cancer last year. I know I have shared this with everyone, but for those who don't know I will explain. We always have a team in memory of Michael called the Bassmasters. We go and spend the day at the World's Fair Park and walk and eat Buddy's BBQ and the kids get to play in the pump it up moonwalk things and get their faces painted. It is always such a really good time, and we get to remember Michael and honor his memory, too. I always end up getting a migraine by the end of the day, only because I put too much pressure on myself. It is to me the day where my two worlds collide, if that makes any sense at all. While I love it, it is a reminder to me of being left behind when Michael passed away, and it brings up the guilt that I have lingering somewhere deep inside me that I have moved on with my life without him. I had no intentions of ever getting married again. God had a much different plan for my life than I did. I am so glad he did, because I am so happy now and Billie and I have such a wonderful life with Matt, not to mention I wouldn't have my beautiful Joshua and Caleb! God is so good. Michael made it a point of telling me he wanted me to marry again; that it was OK with him if I married while Billie was still little. (He said "as long as it isn't like 6 months later. You have to miss me and be miserable without me for at least a year!" He was very funny, and he meant it to be funny not knowing that I would really be in a deep state of mourning for a year solid.) So I know it was OK, and God has blessed me with two wonderful husbands, but you never stop loving and when I feel that loss it always is with a twinge of guilt. I know Michael would not want me to feel that, and I don't usually feel that, but never the less it is there on occasion. So at the Buddy's Race it is always in the back of my mind, and it causes my head to hurt! This year will be a little different because Matt and I are RUNNING the race! I am so excited, and scared. It is my first race. I do not plan on winning, only finishing. I am still very slow, so there is no chance of me winning. But I have been running regularly 4 miles a day 5 days a week, on average, and I am ready for the race. I did slip on a leaf during my run yesterday and I pulled a muscle in my leg--but I know it will be OK by next Sunday for the race, it has to be. That would just be a cruel joke to get this close and a leaf be the end of it! I am going to baby it for the next couple days and pray for quick healing. Back to my explanation of the Buddy's Race Against Cancer; it is a local race and all the money goes locally to fight all kinds of cancer. They even have a special fund in Michael's name that they use to educate the rural areas on colon cancer prevention. All of my close friends and family come together, both sides of my family (Williams and Rosecrance) so it is truly very special, and I know Billie will one day look back and see how wonderfully awesome her family is and how totally supportive they all are to honoring the memory of her daddy. So the race is Sunday, November 15 and I have been thinking a lot about it so I thought my first "Flash Back" should be a few pics from past races and what it is to our family. Have a great weekend all!