Happy 1st Day of Fall

My Great Grandma holding me(1973). I knew Harper looked like me, but I really didn't know how much until my mom brought me these pictures. Amazing!

Me at about 4 months old, I think (1973). Harper even has my smile!

Harper just relaxing with me on the couch and I snapped a couple shots.

Harper "cooing" - she loves to talk to me especially when she first wakes up. I LOVE listening to her and watching her sweet expressions as she tells her stories.

Harper and Billie playing together. Every day Billie is still so excited to hold her, play with her, and read to her. It is so wonderful to see how amazing their relationship is and how it grows stronger every day.

Happy fall, y'all! So happy to be having the gorgeous weather we are having. The humidity hasn't been nearly as bad and the temps are in the low 80's. Today is officially the first day of fall and it is supposed to be sunny and '75 here in Knoxville. Billie is out of school today so us girls are going to do something fun together.

Harper is doing great. Just slowly growing, up to 6 pounds 12 ounces as of last Friday at the pediatrician. I was pretty devastated she wasn't 7 pounds yet, but her doctor isn't concerned but is happy with her progress still. She is sleeping so much better! I actually have to wake her up to feed her every three hours. When we go back next week, if she is over 7 pounds, I am going to ask if I can let her sleep through the night. I think she would sleep 6+ hours if I let her! Wouldn't that make a new woman out of me?! As it is, I wake her up, change her diaper, feed her, and she goes right back to sleep. She is sometimes a little fussy at night when she is fighting sleep, but usually rocking her and feeding her a snack will help her fall asleep and then I can lay her down. She loves to be swaddled, the tighter the better! She always tries to scoot herself down into the swaddle until her face is in the covers. I am constantly pulling the covers back away from her face. Luckily, we still have the heart monitor, but when that goes we will have to take away all her blankets. I am sure that will impact her sleep again, but I can't take the risk of her suffocating with a blanket, especially since she insists on covering her face up. She hasn't had any apnea or brady episodes in so long - it's been weeks, so many that I can't even remember when the last one was! That is just amazing. It's funny, though, when I go out by myself, which is only about once a week, it never fails I hear some sort of "beeping noise" and my heart jumps into my throat and I go into panic mode for about 2 seconds! At least the microwave at home isn't doing that to me anymore! I have to laugh at myself when that happens, though. I guess you just wait to jump into action when you hear that monitor go off, that you kind of program yourself to jump at any loud beep. I can just see myself now tackling a poor elderly woman in one of those grocery store motor-buggy things and shaking her silly to "revive" her after her buggy was beeping to warn others of her backing up. That is usually the noise that sets me off. So far I have been able to control my self, and even hide my panic, although I have startled a few fellow shoppers standing close to me in those first few seconds of my reaction.
Harper's eyes are still doing great. The doctor said Tuesday that they looked a little better again this week. Regression takes a very long time, but I feel very confident she will not be facing a surgery for sure now. She still has to have them checked every 10 days, but I think it will not be long until they let her go two weeks between check-ups. It does wear her out to get her eyes checked, she screams her head off from the second they start the exam until they are done. Luckily, it only takes about 2 minutes, but it is an excruciating 2 minutes for Matt and me. As soon as they are done, she stops crying and is easy to console, though. They say it doesn't hurt, but I am not convinced. She just doesn't really cry any other time. She might let out a little scream here and there if she is fighting sleep or hungry, but it is literally one scream and she is done. From the second they prop her eyes open with that mid evil contraption she screams until they take it back out. And it is a blood-curdling scream with great big tears, and a face as red as a tomato. The contraption that holds her eyes open also leaves imprints on her face kind of like pillow marks that last ten minutes up to hours later. But it doesn't really matter because it is necessary, better a few minutes of her screaming every 10 days than risk her vision.
There were conjoined twin girls born in Chicago two weeks ago. Through the internet I am still connected to a lot of families of conjoined twins. The girls are doing good so far, getting a little oxygen support and NG feeding, but surviving. I can't remember exactly what organs they share, but I know they are side by side and share a heart, and only have two legs. Can I confess a little envy that they get to meet their girls and love them and take care of them? Not that I don't want that for them, of course I do and it is what I have been praying for them. I just wish so bad I could have had more time with my boys. I wish they had also beat the odds and surprised all of their doctors the way Hope and Faith have. I can hardly remember holding them and how they felt in my arms. It seems now like a lifetime ago. It was such a short time we had with the boys, and those few hours have to be enough to last in your memory for a lifetime. If I am having a hard time remembering 3 years later, what will happen when I am old and gray? (OK, I am already gray, but you know what I mean) I don't want to forget, I don't even want the memories to fade or get dull. Harper now weighs exactly what the boys weighed together. That is amazing to me. Sometimes when she is asleep in my arms I try to make myself feel her weight in my arms and see if it jars any memories of holding the boys in my arms. Not that I am comparing her to them, but just trying to jog my memories to bring them out and let them tickle my senses and hang in the air around me. It is good to remember as long as I don't wallow. I will always love and miss my boys. That is just never going to change. They can not be replaced, and I don't' want to even try. But I am so blessed with two amazing daughters that fill my days and heart with utter joy. I love remembering my boys and I hope I can always keep those memories close and vivid, but I love living my life with two daughters even more. God has blessed me beyond measure and as I said the other day, "My cup runneth over..." God is good all of the time - Happy 1st Day of Fall to you! Thanks for taking time to visit and keep up with us.