First Solids

I only have a second, but I thought I would share this little video of Harper eating her first bite of solid food. We took her to her pediatrician yesterday and he started her on rice cereal. She weighed 10 pounds 5 ounces! Such a big girl! The conversation Matt and I have about it is funnier than Harper eating for the first time! Good times, lol! Enjoy...

Christmas Memories

Hello! Sorry it has been over a month since our last update. We have been so busy. Harper and I are getting into a better schedule/routine, though, and I am able to get more things accomplished. I enjoy her so much. She is such a good baby. She does rule the roost, but what baby doesn't? Billie always did, too. Harper doesn't really cry much at all, even when she is hungry. She doesn't like to be woke up so if a loud noise startles her or I have to put her in the car seat while she is still asleep, then she screams at me. She fights sleep, too, and will usually cry when I lay her down, or even if she is very sleepy and we are still holding her she will rub her eyes and cry. But it usually doesn't last more than 3 minutes and she is out. Except for during a meal, she doesn't fall asleep in our arms much anymore. She wants to lay in her bed and sleep on her own. Or stay up for hours on end! She naps her best in the morning, but does take several short naps in the afternoon. She has been sleeping through the night quite a bit, and usually wakes up only one time during the night. There are exceptions to all of this, of course, like the day she got her synagis shot. It is kind of like a flu shot, but intended to prevent RSV (Respiratory Syncytial Virus). I may have already blogged about this, but just to be sure everyone understands, RSV is a virus everyone can get, but in babies it is very dangerous and in preemies and those babies with lung problems, it can be deadly. If she were to get RSV she would more than likely be on the ventilator again, and she may not even survive it. The shot is given during RSV season and it is only good for 30 days, so she gets one a month for 5 months. The nurse said they are painful shots, and Harper agrees - she screams for 20 minutes at least after she gets it, and then is so fussy the rest of the day and night. It really hurts her feelings, and it breaks our hearts.When she gets normal boosters, she screams for about 1 to 3 minutes and then is fine. The shot doesn't necessarily keep her from getting RSV, but if she does get it, hopefully it will not be as bad of a case. But hopefully we can keep her from getting it all together by not having her around anyone. The thing with RSV is that you don't really know you have it as an older child or adult, it can just be a runny nose for you because you have the antibodies to fight it off. Harper doesn't have that ability. SO we will keep her isolated through RSV season, which means no Christmas parties for Harper. I do take her out some, but I keep her in her car seat covered up and I do not allow anyone to even look at her. If I hear someone sneeze or cough, I run the other way, too! I don't take her out much, though. Usually Matt or I stay home with her and the other goes where ever we need to go with Billie. Or we just don't go at all. We have taken her to church twice now, but we don't let anyone get close and go to the early service and sit in the section no on else sits in. It's so nice to go to church as a family again - I can't even explain it. I know Billie loves it, too. Enough rambling, sorry. But I know I didn't really understand all of the RSV stuff before I had babies.

Christmas is bitter sweet, as I am sure it is for everyone. As we pulled out the decorations, so many of them brought back sweet memories of Michael and of Joshua and Caleb. There's always part of me that longs to be with each of them, and Christmas is always the hardest. We have ornaments that were Michael's as a child, and our "just married" ornaments that I love to put on the tree, but always shed a few tears as I pull them out. Billie loves to hang his fishing themed ornaments every year. It always leads into fun stories about her daddy, and Billie loves nothing more than a fun story! We also have ornaments that were purchased with the boys in mind. They never had a first Christmas, but we always felt we should include them in our Christmas traditions. They are still such a big part of our family and always on our hearts and minds. I always let my mind wonder a little bit about what they would be doing this year had they made it to this, their 4th Christmas. Then I try to picture them in heaven and I still fight with myself and my mind's picture of them in heaven. Are they conjoined or separated in heaven? People have strong opinions about this. Most people feel they are for sure separated and their reason is that heaven is perfect and we receive perfect, heavenly bodies when we arrive there. But the truth is that none of us actually know, we just try to interpret what we read in the bible. I am sure the answer is actually there, but since it is open to our interpretation, I won't feel like I really know until I see them again for myself. The thing is, while others may see them conjoined as not perfect, God doesn't make mistakes and they were not a mistake. They were perfectly made by God. They were so beautiful. I know there bodies were not made to survive here on Earth, but maybe they had exactly what they needed to be in heaven. Maybe their bodies were perfect for heaven. Maybe God had great things for them to do in heaven and they needed to be conjoined to do those great things. I know I have mentioned these thoughts in the blog before, but it just is fresh on my mind and good to get out. The same thing I say to myself about Michael to make myself feel better, that he is cured in heaven and has a new body with out cancer, is the thing that has me so perplexed about my boys in heaven. I don't know why I struggle so much with this. If I am honest, I would say it is guilt. Because part of me thinks if they had just separated on time in the womb, they would just be perfect identical boys and they would be here with us this Christmas. It is that part of me that still wishes that would have happened, even though I loved them so much just the way the were and I know it is selfish of me to wish it. I feel guilty for wishing they were here with me instead of with Jesus. I feel guilty for wishing they would not have been conjoined, because I know that was God's will and I got to witness such a wondrous outpouring of love around us because they were conjoined. I also feel guilty because if they had survived, I probably wouldn't have Harper today. I can not imaging my life without Harper! She is such a blessing, and such a miracle. All of this is just to say, I still struggle every day. I struggle with what I have and what I don't have. I miss Michael, and feel guilty for missing Michael because I am so loved and so blessed. I miss the boys and feel guilty for missing the boys, because I am so blessed with the two beautiful girls I do have. But I can tell you a person is not replaceable. One person does not replace another.

Matt spent the other night compiling a list of addresses for me to help get the Christmas cards addressed with. While he was searching on his computer, he found pictures of Joshua and Caleb and couldn't stop himself from looking. Looking, wallowing, call it what you want, but it surprised him how hard it was still this many years later to look at the day they were born. The feelings are still there, you just push them way down inside and secure them there. Some days are easier than others, and you have more minutes or hours in between that you don't think about them, but they are always there. They say time heals all wounds, but I think the wounds are still there and we just find ways to put bandaids on them. Those bandaids get ripped off, sometimes when we least expect it, and it still hurts just as much. We learn to live with the heart ache. You don't ever stop loving. I walked into his office as he was looking, saw one picture and ran right back out, knowing I wasn't emotionally able to go there that night. Some days I want to and can handle it better than other days. I was already so emotional from the decorations and just with it being Christmas time, plus being sleep deprived and exhausted from taking care of Harper, I knew there was no way I could go there.

Now our tree is decorated and the sweet ornaments that bring back memories are hung and are free to remind us. There are funny memories, like the ornament I affectionately refer to as "The Taj Mahal" which is Matt's and his grandma made it many years ago. Let's just say it's an attention getter from the 70's, and leave it at that! There is the adorable paper ornament with Billie's 5 year old smiling face on one side labeled "nice", and her pouty face on the other side labeled "Naughty!" We have lots of frogs on our tree, since Billie is a frog-maniac, and lots of Disney ornaments, since I am a Disney-maniac. There is no theme to our tree other than it represents our fun and crazy family. This year we will add some to it to represent Harper and Billie and this time in their lives'. Next year when we pull out the decorations, we will be fighting with a 20 month old toddler trying to pull everything down and put everything in her mouth! Maybe we will have to put a barrier between her and the tree to keep her from pulling it down on herself! I don't know what kind of a toddler she will be, but I kind of think she will give us a run for our money, just judging by the fight and determination God has clearly instilled in her - thus her surviving from such a teeny-tiny start! I have been mentally preparing myself for that. I keep telling myself, when she throws a fit when she is 2, or her first word is "NO!" I will have to just thank God and laugh because that is why I have her here with me to begin with! You all remind me of that if I need it though, Okay?

I am sure you are ready for the latest pictures, right? SO here they are:

Harper at the apnea/pulmonology office -- They weighed her in at 10 Pounds on the dot!! And just shy of 21 inches! Our girl is growing! I love this picture - her expression is so funny, almost a "snotty" look!
How cute are these two? Best hat ever, too. It is so warm and it actually stays on her head!
Billie checked out a book from her school library just to read to her sister. SO SWEET! So we put them in Christmas PJ's that night and snapped a few presh pics!
OK, not a great pic of us - you try to hold a baby and take a picture of three girls with HUGE eyes that always blink! IT was so fun, I just had to include it. We laughed so hard doing this, even Harper was laughing. Not that you can really see it, but this was in front of our tree.

This was Sunday after church, Harper's second time attending church. She was so quiet both times, and really enjoyed the music. Billie and Harper are so adorable together. Harper just lights up at Billie's face or voice. And Billie is just so in love with her little sister. I so enjoy watching her interact and even just listening to her talk to her sister in the car as we run errands or pick Billie up from school. Billie is so animated with Harper and knows just how to cheer her up or calm her fussiness. We are so blessed.

Happy Halloween

My little Pumpkins
At her 6 month old check up...such a big girl!
Doing PT at Dr. Trainers
All smiles at the eye doctor

My pirate and zebra...so cute and so sweet!

Happy Halloween, a little late! Hope you all had a fun Halloween. We had a great one. Harper had physical therapy on Halloween, her first visit since her discharge from the hospital. Dr. Trainer taught us lots of "exercises" to do with her. It's mostly just playing and getting her to bring her arms in to mid-line. God has an amazing plan, always. Babies that are term are all squished and crowded in the womb at the end of the pregnancy so they naturally have their arms and shoulders brought to the front of their bodies so that eventually they are able to grasp items and stick them in their mouth - important skill for feeding themselves. Preemies are never crowded so their arms splay out to their sides and unless you work with them to get their arms in front of them, they are not able to self-sooth or grasp items, which would cause them to be delayed. So now we work with Harper three times a day plus during feedings to bring her shoulders in and to the front of her body, and her hands to the middle, too.
We also got to see a former NICU-mate (totally made that term up, but I like it!), Milly and her mommy, Jenny. They were also having their first appointment with Dr. Trainer. It was so good to see them, if only for a few minutes. You really bond with the families that are going through similar situations as you are in the NICU. I have missed Jenny and Milly so much. I even got to hold Milly for a few minutes! She is just adorable. She is like the polar opposite of Harper, it is so funny! She is as blonde as can be and has the prettiest blonde complexion ever! Jenny teased that Harper will be getting a tan while Milly will be sitting under the biggest shade tree ever as they get bigger! And she is so big, over 11 pounds now! It's amazing the difference a few pounds makes in a baby. It was so good to see them.
After we got home, I took Billie to Aunt Lique's to trick-or-treat with Mallory while Matt stayed behind with Harper and handed candy out to our trick-or-treaters. Billie had a good time, even if she didn't get a lot of candy. She got enough, though. We have a rule in our house, after two weeks, the candy left over from Halloween is trashed to make room for Thanksgiving and Christmas treats. There is still no way she will finish her bag before the two week deadline, even if she got about 1/4 of the candy she usually gets. Angelique had lots of food and treats for us all to enjoy and it was nice to just sit and visit with our family for a while. Meanwhile, poor Matt was dealing with a screaming baby pretty much the whole time we were gone. She doesn't get fussy every single day, but if she does you can pretty much bet it will be between the hours of 5 and 9 pm. Usually the only thing that finally calms her down is to nurse her, something Matt can do nothing about! By the time we got back, she had cried so hard she was passed out in his arms.
All of her appointments have gone good the last two weeks. She is up to 8 pounds 7.5 ounces, and 20.5 inches long. She got her flu shot and her next round of boosters. Her eyes look good as far as the ROP, and she also saw Dr. Gitchlag to check her vision and he said her eyes look like a term baby of 2 months, which is her corrected age. Dr. Trainer, the PT, was pleased with her progress, too. She made me feel a lot better. I was concerned with the way Harper holds her arms and hands, but Dr. Trainer said she is just premature and her movements are just in relation to that. As far as her holding her thumbs in her fists all of the time, Dr. Trainer also thinks that will improve in the coming months and is not CP, which is what I was worried about. Only time will tell, but all in all, she is doing fantastic! I hate to end this so abruptly, but it is time to get Billie up for school. Hope you all have a great day and I will try to update again soon. Thanks for the love, support, and prayers!

Flash Back Friday

The return of Flash Back Friday...

Billie the day we brought her home...


And here is Harper...


Wearing the SAME OUTFIT, 10 years later!


Isn't that great?! I am so glad I saved the outfit I brought Billie home in. Billie was newborn and almost exactly the same size as Harper is at almost 6 months old. I just have a hard time wrapping my mind around that. Harper seems so big now, and her size is so normal to us, but she should really be much bigger. She is over 8 pounds now, I don't know exactly what she weighs because we haven't had to take her to the doctor this week! That's right, not one doctor visit this week, at all! Of course, we will make up for it next week when she has 5 different appointments, but it has been nice to give her a whole week off. She doesn't mind going to the doctor, really. It's not like they stick her every time, or give her shots every time. But this week she will have shots for her 6 month check up, plus a heal prick and she hates the eye doctor and she has to see the retina specialist and the pediatric optometrist this week. We also will see the apnea/synagis and she will get her first RSV vaccination soon and we visit the physical/occupational therapist this week, too. So, it is a busy week coming up and we have enjoyed the week off.
All of these visits are really just routine, though, and just so that everyone can keep a watchful eye on our growing girl. She is doing excellent! As you can see from the picture, she may be the size of a newborn but she does not act like a newborn at all. She is very vocal now, laughing and cooing at us and at her mobile. She holds her head up so good, too. She has discovered her hands and loves to "chew" on them all of the time. She actually prefers her hands to the paci when she is awake. We are just so blessed. She is our little miracle. I looked back yesterday at pictures from the day she was born and was just awestruck at how far she has come. She is so strong and brave and I am humbled at what the Lord has done for her and for us. I can't imagine our family without her now, and I am so thankful for every minute of my life. I my have had some hard minutes, but they were worth it to get to this.
Billie is doing great in school. I met with her teachers this week for parent/teacher conferences and they just love her and sing her praises. Her report card comes home today, but I already know she made second honors, and almost first! She was so close to straight A's! Maybe next time. She says that is her goal, to make straight A's, and she is so close. I know she can do it. She is a very good student and a very hard worker. I will keep you posted on that front as the year progresses. She loves her sister and is so sweet with Harper. Harper just adores Billie, too, of course. Billie is so caring and tender with her sister. I know I have said it before, but I would not have planned to have my girls 10 years apart, but it really has worked out just fine. I think they are growing closer every day and I think that will continue to the rest of their lives. I pray they are always close and special in each others lives.
Harper is waking up, so I must go. I wanted to tell you about Harper "talking" to the picture of her brothers but that will have to wait until next time! I hope to get a video of it, so maybe that will be over the weekend while Matt is home to help me.

Every Smile and Ounce Count

I am so sorry it has been so long since my last post. I totally mean to blog every day, even "write" entries in my head as I try to fall asleep, pump, or pace the floors with Harper and somehow the day gets by me and no blog has actually been completed. So to make up for it, I included a sweet video of Harper talking to me. She is all smiles whenever she wakes up, and loves to stretch her vocal chords with sweet coos. Those smiles are the most rewarding and uplifting sights to my eyes, and the sounds are the sweetest to my ears. I just have to reflect on how far Harper has come since April 23! She was so tiny and sick when she was born, and look at her now! You have to see the amazing way the Lord works when you see her talk and smile. God is so good and has been so good to me.
Yesterday when I picked Billie up from school we had to take something to Matt at work and the whole drive out there, which is about 25 minutes, she talked to Billie and smiled at her. It was the sweetest thing in the world to listen to my 10 year old talk baby talk to her sister. Billie has got to be the best big sister in the history of big sisters! She always puts Harper first - always, no questions asked, no whining, no complaining and even with a joyful heart! If I had not been driving I would have taken video of it to keep forever and to share with you, too. You will have to take my word for it, but it was a beautiful sight to behold. I would not have planned to have children ten years apart, but God is blessing me so much through this experience. Billie is so mature and amazing, but she doesn't try to mother Harper, either. We have all just put these new "hats" on in our family and they all fit superb and are so comfy, too. Billie just naturally loves her sister to pieces and appreciates the little strides Harper makes. Billie gets so excited to receive a smile or a coo from her sister, and she treasures every second she gets to spend with her, too. I just can't tell you how blessed I am to see my daughters together. They each are so strong and amazing, and the two together are just enough to make my heart completely burst with gladness.
To get to the "ounce" part of my blog title, Harper is gaining weight! Yes, it may be ounces - but put every ounce together and they add up to POUNDS! 7 pounds, 6.5 ounces, to be exact! She is doing so great! She has really taken off on eating this week, too. Just last week, 40 mL (just over 1 ounce) was an average meal for her, and this week her smallest meal is 70 mL - almost double - and her big meal of the day is 95mL (over 3 ounces!) With that big jump she isn't spitting up, either. We no longer have to force feed this sweet baby, she gobbles it up all on her own. Dr. Greg said after she hit 7 pounds everything would get better and it sure has! Since he was so right about this, and everything else so far, too, when he tells me not to worry about her hernia or if she might have CP, I am going to listen to him. Harper has such an amazing team of doctors and nurses working for her future and watching over her, I am just trying to love her and nurture her and let all of them worry about the serious stuff. I say that and I mean that this morning, but I do admit that I may have moments of weakness in the future when I worry about some of it again. But "when I am weak, then I am strong," 2 Corinthians 12:10 is always on my mind and it helps me to remember God is perfect in my weakness and He has this. All of this. He always has and He always will. God is so good that He keeps giving me more chances, too! So back to how everything has gotten better, Harper is now sleeping so good. She is still in her pac 'n play, but that is fine with us. I still put her in her crib during the day to play and try to get more used to it. I think it is just still too big for her, she likes to be in a little cocoon all snug and safe. She sleeps 4 to 6 hours at night, and I think some nights she would sleep right on through if I let her, but until she is 8 pounds we will not be letting her go that long with out a meal. Usually she goes 4 hours for the first feeding and then back to 3 hours for the rest, but last night she went a full 6 hours! She usually goes right back to sleep after she eats, too. She has has a few bad nights sprinkled in there, too, where she just doesn't want to sleep and all she wants to do is eat. I have noticed that I can predict if she will have a fussy day by the kind of night she has. If she sleeps good at night, she has a great day with lots of long naps and she eats good, too. If she is up all night, she has a terrible day needing to be held all day and eating only small, frequent meals.
She has started getting fussy every night for about an hour, usually between 5 pm and 9 pm. Sometimes it lasts up to three hours, but usually I can figure out something to fix it and it is always because she is over tired. I guess that is colic, right? Billie did the same thing and it resolved when she was three months old. Harper's corrected age is two months and she really seems like a two month old baby. The changes and strides she has made tells me she is going to be OK. I am sure she will "catch up" eventually and we will one day say "can you believe she was even a preemie?" Since she was born I have heard wonderful stories of other preemies that are now in college and are so smart and so successful and you would never know they were preemies. In fact, my own sweet cousin, Kelly Wells, is one of those preemies! I had no idea until Harper was born that Kelly was a preemie, either! Born around the same gestation as Harper, too. She spent 4 to 6 months in the NICU, and now she is a Crime Scene Investigator (CSI)! How cool is that?
Every ounce counts, and Harper is gaining 1/2 ounce to 1 ounce a day! She is just a little miracle, and I can't wait to see how the Lord uses her. We are so blessed and so happy!
To update you on Addison - she had her shunt placed this week. She has been doing pretty good, considering the seriousness of the surgery. She came off the ventilator a few days after surgery and is breathing good on her own. They are now just praying that there will not be any infection. They do have her back on NJ feeds, and Rachel said she is spitting up some. She was very swollen still from the surgery since last I heard from Rachel, but it was getting better. Her eyes remained stable, but she does have Stage 3 ROP with a little Plus disease in one eye, so she remains at risk for eye surgery. Please continue to pray for this sweet family. They have been through so much and have a long road ahead of them. The shunt surgery was a big step on the road home, though. The shunt is permanent and will require additional surgeries as she grows and will always be at risk for infection or failure.
Milly is doing really good! She is over 11 pounds now! We will get to see them on Halloween when both girls have a doctor appointment at the same office. I can't wait to see them. I made such sweet, life-long friends in the NICU. I am so thankful for Rachel and Jenny and that our girls will all have each other.
We have big things happening this month so I will try to update more often. Until then, thank you for your continued love and support!

Happy 1st Day of Fall

My Great Grandma holding me(1973). I knew Harper looked like me, but I really didn't know how much until my mom brought me these pictures. Amazing!

Me at about 4 months old, I think (1973). Harper even has my smile!

Harper just relaxing with me on the couch and I snapped a couple shots.

Harper "cooing" - she loves to talk to me especially when she first wakes up. I LOVE listening to her and watching her sweet expressions as she tells her stories.

Harper and Billie playing together. Every day Billie is still so excited to hold her, play with her, and read to her. It is so wonderful to see how amazing their relationship is and how it grows stronger every day.

Happy fall, y'all! So happy to be having the gorgeous weather we are having. The humidity hasn't been nearly as bad and the temps are in the low 80's. Today is officially the first day of fall and it is supposed to be sunny and '75 here in Knoxville. Billie is out of school today so us girls are going to do something fun together.

Harper is doing great. Just slowly growing, up to 6 pounds 12 ounces as of last Friday at the pediatrician. I was pretty devastated she wasn't 7 pounds yet, but her doctor isn't concerned but is happy with her progress still. She is sleeping so much better! I actually have to wake her up to feed her every three hours. When we go back next week, if she is over 7 pounds, I am going to ask if I can let her sleep through the night. I think she would sleep 6+ hours if I let her! Wouldn't that make a new woman out of me?! As it is, I wake her up, change her diaper, feed her, and she goes right back to sleep. She is sometimes a little fussy at night when she is fighting sleep, but usually rocking her and feeding her a snack will help her fall asleep and then I can lay her down. She loves to be swaddled, the tighter the better! She always tries to scoot herself down into the swaddle until her face is in the covers. I am constantly pulling the covers back away from her face. Luckily, we still have the heart monitor, but when that goes we will have to take away all her blankets. I am sure that will impact her sleep again, but I can't take the risk of her suffocating with a blanket, especially since she insists on covering her face up. She hasn't had any apnea or brady episodes in so long - it's been weeks, so many that I can't even remember when the last one was! That is just amazing. It's funny, though, when I go out by myself, which is only about once a week, it never fails I hear some sort of "beeping noise" and my heart jumps into my throat and I go into panic mode for about 2 seconds! At least the microwave at home isn't doing that to me anymore! I have to laugh at myself when that happens, though. I guess you just wait to jump into action when you hear that monitor go off, that you kind of program yourself to jump at any loud beep. I can just see myself now tackling a poor elderly woman in one of those grocery store motor-buggy things and shaking her silly to "revive" her after her buggy was beeping to warn others of her backing up. That is usually the noise that sets me off. So far I have been able to control my self, and even hide my panic, although I have startled a few fellow shoppers standing close to me in those first few seconds of my reaction.
Harper's eyes are still doing great. The doctor said Tuesday that they looked a little better again this week. Regression takes a very long time, but I feel very confident she will not be facing a surgery for sure now. She still has to have them checked every 10 days, but I think it will not be long until they let her go two weeks between check-ups. It does wear her out to get her eyes checked, she screams her head off from the second they start the exam until they are done. Luckily, it only takes about 2 minutes, but it is an excruciating 2 minutes for Matt and me. As soon as they are done, she stops crying and is easy to console, though. They say it doesn't hurt, but I am not convinced. She just doesn't really cry any other time. She might let out a little scream here and there if she is fighting sleep or hungry, but it is literally one scream and she is done. From the second they prop her eyes open with that mid evil contraption she screams until they take it back out. And it is a blood-curdling scream with great big tears, and a face as red as a tomato. The contraption that holds her eyes open also leaves imprints on her face kind of like pillow marks that last ten minutes up to hours later. But it doesn't really matter because it is necessary, better a few minutes of her screaming every 10 days than risk her vision.
There were conjoined twin girls born in Chicago two weeks ago. Through the internet I am still connected to a lot of families of conjoined twins. The girls are doing good so far, getting a little oxygen support and NG feeding, but surviving. I can't remember exactly what organs they share, but I know they are side by side and share a heart, and only have two legs. Can I confess a little envy that they get to meet their girls and love them and take care of them? Not that I don't want that for them, of course I do and it is what I have been praying for them. I just wish so bad I could have had more time with my boys. I wish they had also beat the odds and surprised all of their doctors the way Hope and Faith have. I can hardly remember holding them and how they felt in my arms. It seems now like a lifetime ago. It was such a short time we had with the boys, and those few hours have to be enough to last in your memory for a lifetime. If I am having a hard time remembering 3 years later, what will happen when I am old and gray? (OK, I am already gray, but you know what I mean) I don't want to forget, I don't even want the memories to fade or get dull. Harper now weighs exactly what the boys weighed together. That is amazing to me. Sometimes when she is asleep in my arms I try to make myself feel her weight in my arms and see if it jars any memories of holding the boys in my arms. Not that I am comparing her to them, but just trying to jog my memories to bring them out and let them tickle my senses and hang in the air around me. It is good to remember as long as I don't wallow. I will always love and miss my boys. That is just never going to change. They can not be replaced, and I don't' want to even try. But I am so blessed with two amazing daughters that fill my days and heart with utter joy. I love remembering my boys and I hope I can always keep those memories close and vivid, but I love living my life with two daughters even more. God has blessed me beyond measure and as I said the other day, "My cup runneth over..." God is good all of the time - Happy 1st Day of Fall to you! Thanks for taking time to visit and keep up with us.

Steady as She Grows

All smiles...she smiles great big smiles at me when I smile at her now! There is nothing more rewarding in the world then a baby smile from ear to ear - it makes everything worth it!
Starting to "coo" a bit! She likes to talk to the animals on her mobile, especially her monkey!

Good morning, everyone! Harper finally has her nights and days straightened out, which means a lot more sleep for mommy! We are doing excellent, and more importantly, she is doing wonderful! She weighed in Friday morning at 6 pounds 5.5 ounces and her pediatrician graduated her to a visit every two weeks instead of once or twice a week! She will sleep 4 hours at a time now if I let her. I only do that once a day/night, though, because I want her to keep gaining weight steadily. She usually eats every two and a half hours, like clockwork she gets hungry and will wake up to eat. But after her late night feeding around 10 or 11, she will sleep 4 hours straight before wanting to eat. As long as she keeps gaining weight good I will continue to let her do that because it helps me feel like a person again to get 4 hours in a row like that! Of course it never fails, I wake up in a panic because I haven't heard from her in a while so sometimes I get two hours, wake up and check on her, and then get about an hour and a half because, unlike Matt who falls asleep before his head hits the pillow, it takes me a while to fall asleep. We still are striving to get her to 7 pounds, but we are getting very close!
She has an appointment with the apnea/synagis clinic and the eye doctor this week. Last week her eye doctor said there was new growth in zone 3 of her eye, which is what we want! It means some of the blood vessels were able to get past the line of demarcation from zone 2 to zone 3 instead of balling up and pulling on the retina, which would have meant plus disease and surgery. This was a huge milestone and exactly what we have been praying for and waiting for. It also meant he would let her go 10 days between visits instead of 7, which doesn't seem like a lot, but three extra days will add up eventually and make life a little easier for us plus keep her away from germs a little longer.
Billie has been sick. She woke up last Thursday with what seemed like allergies, so we started on allergy meds. Then Saturday she woke up feeling really bad, so I called her grandma and asked them to come get her (to try to protect Harper from it, just in case). She never had a fever, but RSV in us is just a cold and not a big deal, but in Harper it would be devastating...it would mean a hospital stay possible on a ventilator or even worse, so if any of us get anything similar to a cold or respiratory illness we will have to be kept away from Harper. So Billie went to her grandparents for the rest of the weekend, and I disinfected the whole house. Billie went to the doctor on Monday and it was a sinus infection. She came home Wednesday after school. It was horrible to send my sick baby away, but she understood and was in the next best hands to my own with her grandma. She is such a trooper, never complains and always puts her sister first. We are so blessed with the most generous and caring daughter. She missed her sister so much when she was gone, too. Billie is better now, but still has a little lingering effects.
Rain, rain and more rain. I feel sorry for those who did have Labor Day plans yesterday because we got about 5 inches of rain. I am sure the lakes around here were like ghost towns. It is still raining today and will continue through out today, but not as heavy as it was yesterday. We stayed in, and of course would have even if it had been a sunny day, but I know it is usually a day that marks the end of summer around here. It will still be hot for another month or so, though. We usually go to Boone Lake to Matt's parent's boat house for a fish fry. This weekend was Matt's birthday, and we had tickets to go to Detroit to see the Tigers play. His family still went, and actually my dad was able to go and use one of our tickets (we sold the rest online once we had Harper and realized we wouldn't be able to go.) It was a sweep, the Tigers played three good games and everyone had a good time. Matt was a little disappointed, he has never been to Comerica Park, but he said there really was no place else he would rather be than home with us. I tried to get him to go with his parents, but he chose to stay home instead. I promised him I would take him when Harper is older, though. Maybe next year!
So today begins a 4 day work/school week and cooler temperatures for us! Harper and I will enjoy the cooler temperatures on our walks once the rain stops. She loves her stroller and always has a good nap on our walks. I enjoy the exercise and getting out of the house helps me keep my sanity! I am really a home body, though, and I am not struggling with cabin fever yet. That may change, but for now I feel so blessed to have my family together under one roof and have this miracle little baby to care for. I am living my dream right now, being a stay-at-home mom with two miraculous daughters and a wonderful husband. I am just counting my many blessings and enjoying what God has given me. God is so good, all of the time!