Harper is 9 weeks old!

Isn't she adorable?! I just can't believe how far she has come in just 9 weeks. The real amazing thing is she should still not be born yet...I should not be having her for another 6 weeks! But by the grace of God she is here and is thriving! Nursing has been a challenge, but she is figuring it out. She did really good the first few days, but then she started forgetting to breathe, choking and having bradycardia episodes which totally freak me out! Bradycardia is where they drop their heart rate very quickly - she stops breathing and turns blue! It's awful! I am able to see it and realize what it is before the monitors go off so by the time I see on the monitor that her heart rate is dropped to like a 37 from 160+, she is starting to breathe again and come out of it. There has only been one time that I needed help to get her out of it. But I always call out for her nurse, just because I need the reassurance of one of them being there just in case I am unsuccessful. It is just something she has to learn to do, and actually babies aren't really ready for the whole suck, swallow, breathe thing until they are 34 weeks, which she will be on Tuesday, so she is doing a very good job. She does get some milk...we weigh her before and after I nurse her to see how much she gets at a time...the most she has gotten is 27mL (almost an ounce!) but she usually gets around 5 mL. After I nurse her we subtract what she got from her usual feeding amount, she is up to 32 mL now every 3 hours, and she gets the rest by NG tube feeding (a tube that goes from her nose into her stomach). She weighs 3 lbs 8.5 ounces and is 14.5 inches long. Exactly what the boys were each when they were born, at 34 weeks. AMAZING! She really looks like a mix between the boys and Billie, if you ask me. Although I did see a picture of Chandler as an infant the other day and I could see Harper in her, too. Maybe she will be a mix of Billie and Chandler, wouldn't that be cool? I will tell you one of the reasons I have a very hard time with her brady episodes is that when she is blue and lifeless I am immediately taken back to the night I had the boys and held their lifeless bodies in my arms - welcoming them into the world while I also told them good bye. The first time it hit me like a ton of bricks. I just wasn't expecting it because she had been doing so good at nursing. I also wasn't expecting her to turn blue so quickly. It is terrifying and I am sure any parent would feel the same, but add the experience of losing a child/children and it is that much more terrifying. I am working through it, though, and Matt has been amazingly supportive and helpful through it. The first time it happened I was by myself because he had to be at work, but whenever possible he is there with me. I am now nursing her twice a day so it is a little harder for us both to be there together.
So because everything has been going so good, we knew something would probably be going wrong. The same day she did her first brady episode while nursing, she had her eyes checked again. Unfortunately, the doctor found stage 1 ROP (Retinopathy of Prematurity). This is where the blood vessels are premature, and there is a ridge that forms in the eye that can disrupt the vessels from maturing correctly. If left untreated, it can cause the retina to detach and cause blindness. They will not let this happen, of course. They can do a laser procedure to correct the damage and her eyes should mature correctly. She will have vision problems that will be corrected with glasses. Most preemies need vision correction of some sort, 51% of micro preemies get ROP. There are 5 stages, so stage 1 is not bad. But because her ridge formed so quickly in just 7 days and was so big, the doctors feel she will need surgery. She will have it before she comes home. They will recheck her eyes Tuesday and we will know more. The eyes get their worst between weeks 32 and 34, so they may have gotten worse since they checked them Tuesday, and I am prepared for that news ( I think). Last Tuesday was a very hard day, to say the least. There is a chance for regression, or that they will get better on their own. That is my prayer. The thing with surgery is that they will have to put her on a ventilator, and that just feels like a huge step back and scares me to death. I do not want her back on a ventilator. She has done so so good! But they say the longest she would be on it is 48 hours, and hopefully they would extubate her before she came back from surgery. Of course I do not want to risk her eye site, and I know the doctors know best and will do only what is medically necessary for her. I just have to put it in God's hands- he has been with Harper this whole time and will continue to be. As things go, this is not the worst thing that can happen to a preemie and we have basically not had to deal with any of the really bad stuff, praise God. So if something had to go wrong, this is the best of the bad, if that makes any sense at all. I will try not to keep you in suspense on Tuesday. The doctors just call an hour before they come and tell them to dilate the baby's eyes, so we don't know what time on Tuesday it will be but the past three weeks it has been at lunch time. God is still preforming miracles, Harper is proof of that, and I know He can take care of this, too. I have just been praying for Harper's eyes, knowing that God will fix him however he sees fit - whether that be surgery or regression. And I know He will be with Harper the whole time. God is good, all of the time!