Yesterday was Harper's due date! We took her to the pediatrician yesterday and she weighs 5 pounds 4.5 ounces. She is gaining slowly,but at least she is gaining. He wants us to slowly try to inrease her feeds. I can hardly believe she is 3 1/2 months old on her due date! We are so blessed to have her home and doing so well. Since she has been on the caffeine she hasn't had any more apnea events, praise God! She always recovered quickly, but it is so scary when your baby stops breathing!
On Sunday we had a "newborn" photo session. She is actually 3 1/2 months old, but since it wasn't possible to do professional photos yet we are just now doing them. Nancy Hellsten came out to our house. It wasn't easy, Harper likes to be held most of the time, so we would get her good and asleep and then set her in a pose and she would wake up, fuss, and usually pee or poop! Luckily, Nancy is very patient! But we did get some good shots. I haven't seen them all yet, but Nancy got two of them up already on her blog . I will let you know when she has more up, but for now you can see them at http://www.nancyhellsten.com/blog/2011/08/08/Little-Miss-Harper-Grace.aspx I am so excited about these photos. We just love Nancy, too. She did our wedding pictures and then volunteered to capture the boys birth and our special time with them. We have her work plastered all over our walls! I am going to have to start taking older photos down in order to make room for new stuff. I have a hard time taking photos down, I always fall in love with pictures, especially those of Billie and now of Harper!
Matt went back to work yesterday. It was hard for him to be away all day,but it went good. He met us on his lunch break to go to the pediatrician. Today Harper goes to the eye doctor. I am confident that her eyes are still going to be stable, but we aren't out of the woods yet, so please pray for her eyes. Only one more week and we should be in the clear! So blessed we may not have to do eye surgery! God is do good, all of the time! I realize I had some lessons to learn through not only all of this, but through pretty much the last 10 years of my life. They were hard lessons to learn, too. God kept trying to tell me to let go and let him be God, but I am such a controller and worrier I just couldn't do that for more than a few days. But seeing your baby so tiny and frail and vulnerable, being kept alive on machines, brings you to your knees. I have been to my knees before; When Michael was diagnosed with cancer, when the doctors said there was nothing else they could for him, when we were told we were pregnant with conjoined twins, when we were told they could not be separated, when Joshua and Caleb took their last labored breath in my arms. But this was different. Everyone always tells me I am so strong, but I think I am completely opposite. I am so weak. I go to God with my troubles and instead of turning them over to Him, I try to tell Him how to handle them. Not this time. I knew we had a long road ahead of us when I saw Harper for this first time, but God gave me this amazing peace that she was going to be OK. I have been told by so many "God doesn't put more on you than you can handle" and it used to make me mad. I would think,"Easy for you to say, you aren't walking in my shoes." What the saying should be is "God won't put anything on you that HE can't handle!" God told me that day when I first laid my eyes on Harper Grace, "Be still and know that I am God." And I was. I knew God had this, and there was nothing I could do. I am sure He has said that to me over and over again for the past 10 years, but I was not willing to listen before. I told Matt with such conviction that Harper would make it, he believed me, too. The doctor told him she had a 50/50 chance, but I was so sure she would be OK we both just put our trust in God and started the ride on the roller coaster of the NICU. And here we are today, the day after my due date with a beautiful baby girl keeping us up at night! I don't mind at all! We will see if I still feel that way in 6 months if she still isn't sleeping. I feel so blessed to have two amazing daughters. God has always been so faithful. When I am weakest, He is strongest. That got me through when I had the boys, and prepared me for our journey with Harper Grace. His Grace is sufficient for me. I held onto that and God continuously reminded me of that and then showed me how true it is. I have a miracle sitting in my arms this morning. Thanks be to God. He is good all of the time.
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5 comments:
You are amazingly strong through God.. .allowing Him to carry you and sustain you has been beautiful to watch and has helped encourage me as I've tried to do the same. So happy for you!
Wow! It's funny you call me your "Barnabas" at times b/c everytime I read your blog it teaches me something, blesses me, and encourages me so I will have to say you are my "Barnabas" as well. LOL! I love you and am so thankful for God's faithfulness and forever love and strength He gives us!!! What a wonderful reminder Harper Grace is of God's grace and miracles!!!
Kellee
Picture taking probably wasn't easy because she was cold. Why would you not take pictures of her dressed? Why would you take naked pictures? Poor little girl.
Being a photographer I can tell you this...that baby was far from cold. In fact, everyone else was probably well over heated. She was well fed and soothed too if I am correct. Sounds like Anonymous would do well to try and figure out who she is before giving advice to everyone else.
I love the line God never gives us more than He can handle. I've had cause to do a lot of soul searching myself the past month. My mother is very sick and hospitalized and I've had some great conversations with God in that time. I too have problems leaving my worries in God's hands. I came to the realization that if I expect God to move that mountain for me...I have to be willing to let go of the mountain and let God move it where He wants to move it. That's hard to do. So hard. This has made me realize that sometimes when God doesn't answer my prayers the way I want Him too that it might be because something bigger is coming down the road. This time I realized that a loss I suffered earlier in the year was necessary because I would have been very torn between my sick mother and that problem. God knew I could not handle that and He chose the best for me. He is a loving God, even when we don't see it.
Sarah, I am so sorry your mom is sick. I will be praying for her and for you. It is not easy to be the caregiver, and even harder to watch those we love hurting. Thank you for always going to bat for me, too! And you are right, the baby wasn't cold as anonymous said, we had a heater blowing on her the whole time...we were all sweating! I'm wondering if anonymous is the same one that put the nasty comment last time about her sleeping in her crib? Anonymous, If you have nothing nice to say, please say nothing at all. I am blown away that so many have taken an interest in my blog and I have actually made some wonderful friends this way, but no one is forced to read my blog. If you don't like it, please stop reading it. We started the blog as a way to get information out to our friends and family about the boys, and it just turned into something so much bigger, for which I am so grateful. But I don't want the negativity...at least be willing to put your name to it if you have something say. You just sound like sour grapes and I can't for the life of me figure out why.
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