Before and After

Before:

After:

We tried to grow grass several times. It was always pretty nice in the middle of the yard, but around the fence and in the corners it was yucky, muddy, moldy and messy. So this was a super fix for us. We planted juniper, knock-out roses, spirea, burning bushes, rhododendron and a couple different trees. Then we dug a trench and put a border in to keep the rocks in, and we finally put pea gravel in over everything. We still need to do something under the deck where grass just won't grow. Our yard is tiny, so we really want to put something green in there. Any suggestions anyone has will be greatly appreciated. We have thought of placing some pea gravel there or even pavers, just to keep the dogs from getting muddy, but we hesitate to change the illusion of a bigger yard by covering up all the green under there. We have also batted around the idea of some kind of ground cover like a low evergreen, or ivy. Whatever it is has to be able to grow in deep shade. We love our "new" back yard. It is so nice to be back there. I can't wait for the weather to cool off a little now so we can also enjoy it in the day, not just evening and morning. Every plant was planted in honor of the boys birthday, and it makes me feel so good to have given life to something in their memory, even if it was only plants. It just feels good to be doing something positive. There is always that little nagging urge to stay in bed and pull the covers over my head and just wallow in my grief and I am so glad I am able to turn that into such a positive thing for my family to enjoy for years to come. We have to be out there several times a day with the new puppy, so it might as well be a pleasing place to be!

Update on Billie's Ears: All is well! She is all better from the infection and the swimmer's ear is all cleared up, too. We took her to the Audiologist and while she does have tiny bit of hearing loss, it should repair itself on it's own and quickly. The doctor said she has "selective hearing loss" which we already knew, anyway! He cleared her to swim and enjoy the rest of her summer!

Billie goes to camp soon. I can't believe I am letting her go for 5 days! But she has a friend from church going with her and I know she is going to have a blast. Let's just hope I survive the week!

On a sad note, today is the anniversary of Michael's death. I will find time to sneak over to the cemetery, but I do not mark it in Billie's memory. I want her to have positive thoughts of her Daddy, so we celebrate his birthday and Father's Day and not his death. Who knows if I am doing the right thing, but I know I promised him I would always keep his memory alive, and marking his death just doesn't feel like I am doing that; it makes me sad and why would I want to make Billie sad? She already misses him without me saying a word. I will probably hug her more today and talk about her daddy more today, but I will not tell her why. Of course if she asked anything about his death, I would always be honest with her. When she thinks of her Daddy I want it to be happy memories, and I know that is what he wanted for her, too.