Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Our Christmas Miracle

I haven't blogged in a while because I had only one thing on my mind and I wasn't quite ready to share it with everyone yet. But after getting more wonderful news today, I have decided it is time to tell you all about it. I am sure you all could guess by now, and most would be right! So I will just get right to it - we are expecting a baby in August! We have been very nervous and scared, and I have been on bed rest for about 3 weeks now, but we have had two good ultrasounds with a good strong heartbeat! We are still a little scared, but for the most part we are just so thrilled. We found out four weeks ago. At about 5 weeks in I started bleeding. We were devastated and I was certain I was losing it. All of my earlier miscarriages have been between 5 and 6 weeks. But the doctor reassured us and said bed rest was needed. They did the first ultrasound at 6 weeks and 3 days and we were so relieved to see the heartbeat! They also found the likely source of my bleeding; a blood clot in my uterus. I have been taking injections once a day of a blood thinner called Lovenox since we got the positive pregnancy test and I also take a baby aspirin once a day. For those of you who don't know, I have a clotting disorder called PAI 4g/4g that only is a problem during pregnancy and can cause clots and even miscarriage. So I will stay on the blood thinner for the duration of the pregnancy. The Lovenox doesn't cross the placenta, and the baby aspirin does so it will help to ensure no clots on the baby's end. When we get closer to delivery time, they will change me to heparin which is administered twice a day so it is out of your system sooner to ensure a safe delivery.
We went back to the doctor today for another ultrasound. We are 7 weeks and 4 days and we have a good strong heartbeat. Our chances of miscarriage now are only 5%, and I feel much better after seeing our baby has grown a lot in a week and has a beautiful beating heart. This is also further than I have ever gotten in a pregnancy since I had the boys, so that helps boost my confidence, too. And we are doing everything we can possibly do. I am also on progesterone because my levels were too low, which is probably the reason I lost my earlier pregnancies. While we are still being cautious, we are very optimistic this time. Once we get into the second trimester, I will stop worrying and just relax. That's not too far away!
We had a good Christmas, it was just different. I was very sick and still on bed rest so that put a damper on things. We had our traditional breakfast here at our house, with my mom, Cathie and Matt cooking everything while I laid sick on the couch. Later, Matt took Billie to the cemetery to put wreaths on Michael and the boy's graves and then they went to Bill and Wanda's house for the afternoon. I slept most of the time they were gone. Poor Matt is exhausted trying to work all day and take care of everything at home - plus Christmas! He had to decorate the tree and wrap most everything.
I am still technically on bed rest but they said today I could do a little more than I have been doing since it is having emotional effects on me being down for so long. If the bleeding gets any worse, it is back to straight bed rest, though. I am taking it very slow. I really don't have a lot of energy anyway, I guess from being in bed for so long. Plus I have ALL DAY SICKNESS. Which is good, they say, so I am trying to be thankful for it - but that is quite a challenge! We are so looking forward to a late July/early August baby and are praying everything gets easier and goes very smoothly.
Billie is so excited. We told her after we saw the heartbeat for the first time. She was starting to get worried about me being "sick" and we decided after all she has been through it wasn't fair to let her worry like that. We wanted to protect her from another loss if we could, but after losing a parent she worries about losing me anyway and with me sick on the couch or in the bed nonstop day after day it was hard to watch her worry. She is such a sweet girl. She has been a big help to us, too. She is a little guarded, though, I can tell. She has her own defense mechanisms that have kicked in a little. But after we showed her the ultrasound today with the heartbeat, she seems very relieved and excited. She deserves a brother or sister more than any one ever could.
I have seen God answer so many of my prayers in the last 3 weeks, it is just amazing. God is so good, all of the time. Sometimes, over the past 9 years, I have had to tell myself that over and over again, and still I had a hard time accepting it. But I feel it now more than ever. I feel this baby is the miracle we have been expecting from God.