They are miracle twin boys. Where do I begin today? It is with a heavy heart that I share with you the news of our two beautiful miracles. They were such a blessing to us and we want everyone to know that. They were perfect. They lived for about an hour and a half. We got to hold them for twenty minutes while they were still living. Those twenty minutes were the most precious twenty minutes we have ever experienced. Joshua was born first, he was delivered head first while Caleb was born about 30-45 seconds later breach, figure that one out!! The doctor did struggle to get them out, but the surgery could not have gone better. We do not know the exact second their heart stopped beating, but I do think Caleb passed a few minutes before Joshua did. A mother knows, that is the only way to explain it. They were so peaceful the entire time. They did not have mature lungs, and they didn't have enough lung capacity to survive. They did try very hard though, and the doctors and nurses from the NICU did everything they could for our boys. God blessed us with what time we did have. As much as we love them, we know God loves them even more and now they are two boys living and breathing with Jesus. God our father is holding us through this and we feel his love and we know that he did what was best for us and for Joshua and Caleb.
We have some beautiful photographs that our photographer came and captured and we will share those with you later. We did want to give you something, so the pictures here we took of each other during our time with the boys. We kept them with us until early Wednesday morning. Billie came and saw them and was so brave and sweet. She was able to kiss them and touch them and tell them good bye. We could not have been more proud of the way she handled herself.
I know everyone is wondering about a service, and we just haven't been able to think about that yet. We will update here as soon as we have made arrangements, but that will not be for a few more days. I have to heal some physically, and we both need to prepare ourselves emotionally before we tackle that.
Know that we are loving each other through this. We miss our babies so much but we know that they are with Jesus and they are precious in His sight. They were God's children before they were ours. The most important thing you could want as a parent for your children is a relationship with God. Our boys not only know God but they are with him. We imagine him rocking them and bouncing them on his knee. If it were not for God, we could not do this. We asked him to hold us through this and he has and he is. We are very blessed by God and we are very thankful to Him for the gift he gave us. In the beginning we said we just wanted to hold them alive, if even for a few minutes, and God allowed us that time. We will forever hold that memory in our hearts. Together we share a memory of the best twenty minutes of our lives and no one can ever take that away from us. We know what it felt like to be the parents of Joshua and Caleb. We are blessed by God.