Wednesday, December 29, 2010
We went back to the doctor today for another ultrasound. We are 7 weeks and 4 days and we have a good strong heartbeat. Our chances of miscarriage now are only 5%, and I feel much better after seeing our baby has grown a lot in a week and has a beautiful beating heart. This is also further than I have ever gotten in a pregnancy since I had the boys, so that helps boost my confidence, too. And we are doing everything we can possibly do. I am also on progesterone because my levels were too low, which is probably the reason I lost my earlier pregnancies. While we are still being cautious, we are very optimistic this time. Once we get into the second trimester, I will stop worrying and just relax. That's not too far away!
We had a good Christmas, it was just different. I was very sick and still on bed rest so that put a damper on things. We had our traditional breakfast here at our house, with my mom, Cathie and Matt cooking everything while I laid sick on the couch. Later, Matt took Billie to the cemetery to put wreaths on Michael and the boy's graves and then they went to Bill and Wanda's house for the afternoon. I slept most of the time they were gone. Poor Matt is exhausted trying to work all day and take care of everything at home - plus Christmas! He had to decorate the tree and wrap most everything.
I am still technically on bed rest but they said today I could do a little more than I have been doing since it is having emotional effects on me being down for so long. If the bleeding gets any worse, it is back to straight bed rest, though. I am taking it very slow. I really don't have a lot of energy anyway, I guess from being in bed for so long. Plus I have ALL DAY SICKNESS. Which is good, they say, so I am trying to be thankful for it - but that is quite a challenge! We are so looking forward to a late July/early August baby and are praying everything gets easier and goes very smoothly.
Billie is so excited. We told her after we saw the heartbeat for the first time. She was starting to get worried about me being "sick" and we decided after all she has been through it wasn't fair to let her worry like that. We wanted to protect her from another loss if we could, but after losing a parent she worries about losing me anyway and with me sick on the couch or in the bed nonstop day after day it was hard to watch her worry. She is such a sweet girl. She has been a big help to us, too. She is a little guarded, though, I can tell. She has her own defense mechanisms that have kicked in a little. But after we showed her the ultrasound today with the heartbeat, she seems very relieved and excited. She deserves a brother or sister more than any one ever could.
I have seen God answer so many of my prayers in the last 3 weeks, it is just amazing. God is so good, all of the time. Sometimes, over the past 9 years, I have had to tell myself that over and over again, and still I had a hard time accepting it. But I feel it now more than ever. I feel this baby is the miracle we have been expecting from God.
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. We have had an amazing 3 days. Wednesday Matt and I both only had half days at work/school, so we came home and smoked ribs and a turkey breast. We had Matt's family over for ribs Wednesday night and we had a great time. Then on Thanksgiving we went to Aunt Shirley's for Thanksgiving dinner, and then that night we went to David's house for another Thanksgiving dinner. Friday morning, Kellee and I got at up 2 and went shopping. We were back home by 8:30, and very tired. I went back to bed around 10:30 and got up at 2. While I was taking my long nap, Billie and Matt went swimming with family at their hotel - big fun! Then we went back to David's house for left overs and then we all went to the Fantasy of Trees. It was beautiful this year, and we all had a great time. Billie especially loved shopping in the Secret Santa Shop and making crafts. We usually got to the gala before it opens and they don't have all the crafts and stuff, so this was special and new to her this year. While we did miss getting all dressed up and going to the gala, it was fun to do it this way for a change. Billie is going with Grandma and Grandpa Rosecrance to Dollywood today.
So now it is back to work for me. I have two days of classes left, and two papers and a quiz due in those two days. My first final is Friday! I can't believe this semester is just days away from being over. Then I have to really concentrate on grad school applications. I actually already completed the online application for UT grad school, but I still have to do the Nutrition department application for UT. Then I am planning on applying to the nutrition grad program at GA State, and to 3 other schools that are just internships, not master's programs. I'm just praying I match and get in to just one. My actual first choice is a tie between UT and Life University, which is just a 9 month internship. It would be amazing to be completely finished in 9 months, but more of a hardship to relocate to GA. The good thing is that we still have a house there. But hopefully UT accepts me and we just stay put! They only accept 12 people, so I have to have a back up plan. I am also applying to one internship that is "by-distance" so you travel to them for a week and then they place you in rotations that are within an hour's drive from your home. But that one is my third choice, just because UT and Life both are more in line with my career goals, so they just make more sense. OK, I have rambled on enough - but it is good to get that stuff out of my mind! I hope you are all having a wonderful Thanksgiving weekend.
Sunday, November 21, 2010
I have one more presentation on Monday, tomorrow at 10am! I am nervous for this one because we have been making adjustments and corrections on it as late as today. We are supposed to memorize it, and I am trying, but I am pretty sure I will just have to lose a few points for looking at my notes. I just need more time to put it to memory. This is for my clinical class and the presentation is on a case study with Cardiovascular Disease. I have learned a lot working on it, though, and it is a neat assignment. I have clinical again next semester, and I bet we will do something similar again.
Billie is doing good. She is trying to get over a cold. Actually, we have all had it. Matt and Billie are both doing better today, but I am still fighting mine. I am sure all of my late nights and early mornings studying have taken a toll on my immune system. But I get a four day weekend coming up, so hopefully I will have time to rest then!
We are all really looking forward to Thanksgiving. I hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving, too! I will try to update over the weekend! Love to you all!
Billie and Chandler helped my group with our creative piece to our presentation on sweeteners for a professional issues in dietetics class. I wrote the rap, and the girls performed it - on video. We did our presentation on Tuesday, and we ended it with this video. I will let you know when we get our grade, but everyone in the class was laughing so I think it went well!
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Everything is going smoothly, for the most part. Billie and I are both very busy with school and Matt and I are both busy with work. But we are all doing great, just busy. Blue is growing, thankfully. She had an incident last weekend where we found out she had swallowed some of her toys - whole! It was very scary but she is now fine, we think. We just have to be very careful with her around toys. She is as cute as ever and sweet, too. Hope everyone is good. That is all the time I have now for an update... more when I can, promise! Love to all!
Thursday, October 21, 2010
To give you a quick update. I started my new job at Mercy Hospital last weekend. It was a very hard, long day, but I loved it. I am thankful for the opportunity; I am learning so much about my field, and I also learned I really don't want to work in a hospital. How great is that to learn so early?! It was not bad getting there at 6am, but it was hard to stay until 4:30! I was so exhausted, but you have to work until the job is done - there is no one else to finish it. All in all, it went great and I had been nervous for nothing. I am looking forward to my next day at work, but I am thankful I am off this weekend. I need some rest for sure!
I had an exam this Monday in my clinical nutrition class; it was hard to work long days and then come home and study but it paid off and I performed well on the exam. Now looking ahead to the rest of the semester -but it is flying by so fast. I have several projects and papers to get done over the next 3 to 4 weeks - and then I will be done with the semester! Amazing! Even more amazing is January will be the start of my LAST semester of college! WHOOHOO! I see a light at the end of the tunnel and it is bright and beautiful and all worth it! Got to run Billie to the bus stop. Hope every one has a great day!
Friday, October 15, 2010
Kellee, Uncle Arnold and Me - It was his wife, my Aunt Pauline that passed away. They have both always been so good to all of us girls.
Me and My Dad, I haven't seen him in several years.
Me and Kellee and her cousins Brian (who has MD) and Cherry.
Kellee, Jessica and Me (Jessica is the "baby" cousin - she just graduated high school and started college this semester)
My mom and her sisters and brothers. (From left front, my mom (Nancee), Aunt Lynn, Aunt Margaret Ann, Uncle Rob and Uncle John.)
Erin, Kellee and Me.
My Grandma's House - Occupied by some strangers now! It was so weird, as we were taking this picture a man walked from across the street and walked right in! HEHE, I am sure he now owns the house, but it will always be my grandma and grandpa's house to me.
OK, so evidently Billie got a rush scoring that goal because last Saturday she scored 3 goals! They won the game 4 to 2, it was their first win this season, too! We are all excited for tomorrow's game to see what happens this week. Unfortunately I missed the game last week because I went to Michigan. My sweet Aunt Pauline passed away and I went up for the funeral. It was sad, but it was also good to see my family. I stayed with my cousin Erin, and drove up with my cousin Kellee. We had a great trip. It was so nice to have my mom and all of her siblings together; that doesn't happen often since they are spread all along the eastern part of the USA. I especially enjoyed visiting with my Uncle Rob and Uncle John, they are always funny and up for a good time. I didn't get to spend enough time with my Aunts, and that made me sad, but we didn't have a whole lot of time. I got to eat some great Chinese food (Michigan is home of the best Chinese food in America- Just FYI) and a Gyro at Coney Island. I also got famous fish and chips at an Irish pub with my dad and Aunt Brenda. It was great to spend time with everyone. The weather was amazing and they were a little further along in the change of colors up there than we are here. One thing I love about Michigan is there are sidewalks everywhere. We went on several good long walks while we were up there. We needed to since we ate so much! I envy Erin because she does get to walk everywhere she wants to. I posted some pictures up here for you all to see what I was up to last weekend.
This weekend Matt is going to Michigan (too bad we couldn't have timed that better, huh?) for a football game. He is a loyal University of Michigan fan, and he and his dad are heading up there to see a game. It is an annual thing for them now. I am starting a new job at Mercy Hospital tomorrow. I am so nervous it is not even funny. I know the job won't be too hard for me, I just am nervous about not knowing anyone and getting lost. That place is so confusing. I will try to let you know how it went. I work 6am to 2:30 Saturday and Sunday; that makes me a little nervous, too. That is very early but good that I can get it over with and have the rest of the day with Billie and Cathie, who is coming to stay with us for the weekend and to take care of Billie while I am at work. I also have a big exam on Monday and a big project due Tuesday, so I will be very busy this weekend. Wish me luck; I am going to need it!
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Billie had a piano recital this past Sunday. She played "Alice" from the new Alice in Wonderland movie, the song is by Avril Lavign. (not sure about how she spells her name-sorry if I butchered it). She had a replica dress from the movie. She was beautiful and did a beautiful job! I will upload the video when I have more time.
Friday, August 27, 2010
Saturday, August 21, 2010
I was so saddened to hear that Emma and Taylor Bailey passed on August 10 due to complications during surgery. My heart is breaking for this family. I can only imagine what they must be going through. Joshua and Caleb were conjoined the same way as Emma and Taylor, but the girls had their own lungs and a bigger heart. They beat all of the odds their parents were given before their birth and lived to be 3 years old. But I know there is nothing that will comfort their parents today as they say good bye to their precious girls. I know God spared us so much pain by taking the boys shortly after birth, even though I sometimes envied the time The Baileys had with their girls, I know what they are going through today is much harder then what we endured. My prayers are with the family today, and will continue to be for many weeks and months to come. Please join me in praying for this precious family. You can find a link to their blog here on our blog, too, so you can follow their story.
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Monday, August 9, 2010
Monday, August 2, 2010
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
We tried to grow grass several times. It was always pretty nice in the middle of the yard, but around the fence and in the corners it was yucky, muddy, moldy and messy. So this was a super fix for us. We planted juniper, knock-out roses, spirea, burning bushes, rhododendron and a couple different trees. Then we dug a trench and put a border in to keep the rocks in, and we finally put pea gravel in over everything. We still need to do something under the deck where grass just won't grow. Our yard is tiny, so we really want to put something green in there. Any suggestions anyone has will be greatly appreciated. We have thought of placing some pea gravel there or even pavers, just to keep the dogs from getting muddy, but we hesitate to change the illusion of a bigger yard by covering up all the green under there. We have also batted around the idea of some kind of ground cover like a low evergreen, or ivy. Whatever it is has to be able to grow in deep shade. We love our "new" back yard. It is so nice to be back there. I can't wait for the weather to cool off a little now so we can also enjoy it in the day, not just evening and morning. Every plant was planted in honor of the boys birthday, and it makes me feel so good to have given life to something in their memory, even if it was only plants. It just feels good to be doing something positive. There is always that little nagging urge to stay in bed and pull the covers over my head and just wallow in my grief and I am so glad I am able to turn that into such a positive thing for my family to enjoy for years to come. We have to be out there several times a day with the new puppy, so it might as well be a pleasing place to be!
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Last night we had my mom and Danny over for dinner. We had a great time. We were excited to share with them Blue and our newly revamped back yard. It was a fun evening. Now on to the lake for more fun and the finally to our birthday festivities. We plan on continuing the tradition Amy started last year and writing messages to the boys on balloons and sending them up to sky. I am so thankful to God for helping us heal and giving us the strength and ability to remember and honor Joshua and Caleb without sadness and longing. God is good all of the time.
Posted from Blogium for iPhone
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Today I thought I would share with you an excerpt of the funeral message given by Dr. Crocker. This part of the service is where he explained why we named the boys Joshua and Caleb...
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Monday, July 12, 2010
I thought I would share with you how wonderful the nurses, anesthesiologist, respiratory therapists and doctors were during our pregnancy, delivery and after. First of all, everyone at the perinatologist were pretty much at our beck and call 24/7. Every question we had, every request we needed, all of it was attended to immediately. Sometimes they couldn't answer our questions. And they were honest about that and always tried to get us the answers we needed. No one there had ever seen conjoined twins before, we were their first, so it was scary not only for us but for them as well. About 6 weeks after we had the boys, they had another set of conjoined twins at the perinatologist. We had them give the couple our contact information, but they never got in touch with us. We were comforted by the fact that we had "broken them in" at the perinatologist and that they were fresh and up to date on conjoined twins. They also could tell those parents with confidence that they had seen and delivered one set of conjoined twins. I am sure that helped the experience both on the staff and the new parents.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
I was just thinking about the day I went into labor. It actually started the night before, on July 14th, but I didn't know. I just starting crying and I told Matt "something is wrong but I don't know what." We had a doctor appointment the next day, so Matt mentioned this at the appointment to Dr. Bruner so he checked me and sure enough I was dilated to 3 and fully effaced. I remember I said "OH NO!" and Dr. Bruner said "It doesn't mean you are in labor for certain. Are you having contractions?" Of course I had been all day, I had already taken two of my pills to try to stop the labor, I can't remember now what it is called but it is actually a breathing medicine but what it does is relax the smooth muscle so it can make the pain of false contractions go away. I guess I was pretty much in denial. So they hooked me up to a monitor and started timing my contractions and sure enough I was in labor. Dr. Bruner came over to me and said "We are going to deliver today. What did you have for breakfast?" I immediately started crying because I wanted to just keep them in my belly. I knew they were safe there- they didn't have to breathe on their own there. I would have stayed pregnant with them forever just to save them and keep them with us. He let Matt come in then, even though only patients were allowed in the monitoring room. He had a nurse take us over to the hospital and we started getting prepared and making our calls. My contractions really kicked in once we got settled. I was glad we were there at the hospital, and not trying to get there. It was still a long day, they didn't take me back until 4pm. We had lots of friends and family visit us, and we had a lot of people from Children's Hospital come in and go over our plan with us again. Everyone there was ready for us, I felt so safe with them. I was terrified, of course. I didn't have that excitement that I had with Billie that I was actually about to meet my baby for the first time. I was so terrified that they would be still born, or that they wouldn't live long enough for me to get to hold them. I was also terrified that I would either die during the surgery or lose my uterus. OK, I can admit now that was a stupid fear. But I had the weight of the world on my shoulders and I was unable to think very clearly. Of course the doctors have to warn you of any complications that might come up, and since our babies were conjoined and were the first set ever delivered at Fort Sanders- they were scared and that made us scared. Dr. Bruner, however, was very calm and seemed very confident everything would be fine. I will save the rest of the story for later in the week. It actually makes me feel better to get these thoughts out like this. I think it is good for me to remember and grieve and I am able to do it and not wallow in my sorrows, but remember the miracles that we were blessed with in Joshua and Caleb. Man, do I love those boys! I think about them in heaven all of the time, and to me they are separated and two years old. My mind just pictures them that way. But their faces are always blurry. I can never get a real clear look at them. I am hoping for another dream of them soon, it has been so long. Until then, I will hold on to my memories.
Friday, June 18, 2010
Hello, everyone! Just a quick update. Billie stayed last week with her Grandma and Grandpa Rosecrance at the boat house for "cousins week." She had a great time. She complained a couple times of her ear hurting but she kept saying it wasn't bad, and then she would be fine; sleep fine, play fine, eat fine and no fever. When she got home last night she said again her ear hurt and I looked in them and found some blood and debris, so this morning first thing we went to her doctor. Bless her heart. She had double ear infections, ruptured ear drums and swimmer's ear on top of it all! I feel so guilty. I should have taken her way before today. She must have an insanely high tolerance for pain. She told me later that it hurt really bad, but she just didn't want to miss anything at the lake. Of course Cathie and Brian would have taken her to a clinic, but she kept saying she was OK and that it felt better. We know to not listen to that next time. I knew Sunday I should have taken her, but I let her talk me out of it because she just didn't want to go. Next time I will go with my gut. Poor baby. She has a fever today and feels terrible. So we are giving her lots of rest and love. She is on an antibiotic plus she has a an ear drop that is an antibiotic and steroid to take care of the swimmers ear. She can't swim for three days, which shouldn't be a problem since she has been at the lake for four days! Everyone enjoy the heat, at least here in Knoxville it is so HOT! Happy Summer in just a few days!
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Monday, May 24, 2010
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Monday, April 5, 2010
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Happy Easter Eve, all! We took Billie this morning to the "The Egg Drop" at Powell High School. This first picture is from that. They dropped eggs out of a helicopter! It was so much fun. Billie got to jump in "bounce house" things and slides and we saw lots of friends there. There was a huge turn out, tons of people. ONE LIFE Church hosted it and they did a great job. Billie didn't win any special prizes, but she got to get lots of candy and see some friends so she was happy.
Billie and I went to the zoo yesterday, and the other pictures are from there. They had baby camels that just loved Billie. I am sure they were really hoping she would give them some snacks, but she thought they just loved her so that is all that matters. We spent a good while watching "George" the one year old Chimp. SO CUTE! Oh my goodness, I totally see why people have them as pets because they are so much like little human babies, but they grow up to be strong, scary Chimps. Billie had a wonderful time at the zoo, and so did I. Matt worked half a day and then golfed with a friend in the afternoon. He had a great time. His office has actually moved, they moved Monday to their new location and he over looks the golf course all day, making him want to be out there golfing instead of working! So he plans to take advantage of the close proximity and get a lot more golf in from now on. I am so happy he has the opportunity!
I am trying to study while Matt and Billie wash the cars. I am sure I got the better end of that deal! I hope everyone is enjoying the beautiful weather and you all have a wonderful Easter. I am in awe of the sacrifice made for my sins on the cross this weekend so long ago. I am so thankful Jesus washed away my sins so that I may have eternal life. Love to you all!
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Let me introduce you to Jack and Jessie, Billie's Fire belly toads she got for Christmas. She was so excited to have them. That was really all she wanted, or at least what she wanted the most. She comes in from school and the first thing she does is go to the aquarium and she always says "Hi, babies. Jack, Jessie? How are you? Did you have a good day? I love you! I missed you so much!" and in that ooey-gooey voice we use to talk to babies and puppies. It is the cutest thing in the world. I am going to let you in on a secret, but PLEASE don't tell Billie. It will crush her. Jack and Jessie bonded with each other right away. Billie caught them "snuggling" on more than one occasion. We were pretty surprised we hadn't had any tadpoles, actually. So Jack and Jessie were in love and Billie was in love with both of them, and it was a beautiful and wonderful thing. Then one night Matt was feeding them and he walked away just for a second to get a rag to wipe down the glass, leaving the lid open. I was standing right there, and I let Bob in and then closed the lid, never looking down. You know what is coming, right? The next morning at 5 am when Bob got up to eat, I found something in the floor right in front of the front door. I didn't have my glasses on, so I really didn't know what it was. I got some tissue, thinking to myself "Bob didn't even make it out the door!" and got down real real close to the dark blob on the floor. I got within inches of it before I realized what it was---JESSIE! I immediately picked her up and took her to the sink. Somehow I thought I could revive her with water. Thinking back now it is so funny, but at the time I was crying and shaking! I could just only think of how devastated my little Billie was going to be, I had to try to save her. But I quickly realized it was just too late for Jessie. I wrapped her in paper towels and laid her gently in the trash can. I could see later in the afternoon having a funeral for a frog. I tried to turn to studying, but could not keep focused so after about an hour I woke Matt up. He immediately knew something was wrong. He was as shocked and felt just as bad as I did. We decided not to tell Billie before school but to wait until that evening. After he went to work and talked to his friends there, we both decided we would just try to find a good Jessie 2 and sneak her into the aquarium. We both felt responsible; he shouldn't have left it open, and I should have checked the ground knowing it had been left open. We just didn't see why we should put her through the heartache, especially since she has lost so much in her short life. She really loves these frogs, and it would really be terrible on her. Matt went to the pet store after work and got the closest thing to Jessie he could find. Later that night when it was time to feed them, Billie got very upset and ran to get Matt. She said "Matt, I don't know if I just can't tell them apart anymore or what is going on but something is wrong. Jack is hiding in Jessie's spot and Jessie is out here in Jack's spot, and Jack won't eat! He is going to die if he doesn't eat!" She started crying. Jack would not eat for about 3 more days. It was terrifying for Matt and I. Here we were trying to spare her pain, and now for Jack to be in shock and not eating, it was awful. We really think Jack was in shock, after talking to the pet store. We think he was love sick for his Jessie. Looking back to the night she had jumped out, he was acting weird then and wouldn't eat. We couldn't find Jessie, but just thought she was hiding under the log. We figured Jack would eat later, and just didn't think that much about it. Poor thing, he was probably wondering what we had done with Jessie! He has since gotten better, although he is not his normal self and probably never will be. He and the new Jessie have finally decided to get along with each other, but you can tell they are not in love the way Jack and the first Jessie were. I know this all seems so silly, but if you could have witnessed it you would understand. We told Billie we thought he was in shock because we had moved the aquarium to her room from the living room. She bought that. I know I have just admitted to lying to my child. And I almost always think that honesty is the best policy, but I am OK with this decision. I still think we spared her the pain of the loss, and there just was no harm done. I hope when she is older and finds out the truth, she will understand and not hold it against us. I do feel guilty for not being honest with her, but I am still glad to have spared her this pain - she has just gone through so much and it isn't fair. This was my way of making up for some of that unfairness.