This peace lily sits in the nursery and has sat in there since we had the boys. It was a gift at their funeral, we have several others around the house. None of them have bloomed for years, three years to be exact. This one bloomed today. When I noticed it I had chills cover my whole body, and then I felt peace. I felt Joshua and Caleb smiling down on our family. I know that is cheesy and corny and I don't care, it is what I felt. How ironic that it would bloom when we finally brought a baby home to their nursery. It is really miraculous that the plant is alive at all... I am terrible with house plants. Matt actually remembers to care for them better than I do. But peace lilies are not hard to keep around, they are very forgiving and they almost ask you to water them when you do forget. I guess that is why it has never bloomed for us. And it is probably not a coincidence that Cathie was here for three weeks to take care of the plants (and everything else) after I had Harper. I am sure that has something to do with the plant blooming this week. But none of that matters. What matters is the way it made me feel when I saw the bloom. What matters is how I instantly was reminded of my boys in heaven. And I wasn't sad at that moment. I felt peace. I felt love. I felt warm. I felt peace. Peace is a beautiful feeling. You have to let go of pain and suffering in order to feel peace. You have to stop being angry and hurt to feel peace. Peace is a gift from God that is always right there, but we have to let go in order to feel it. We used to sing in VBS "I've got the peace that passes understanding, down in my heart. Where? Down in my heart. Where... Down in my heart to stay!" And I have felt that peace before. I never understood that song when I was a child, and I always asked my mom and my grandpa what it meant. They tried to explain it and I just couldn't understand, no matter how many times they explained it. The thing with peace is that you have to be still and quiet and let God BE. Just let God BE. And for a control freak like me, that is so hard. But He has been trying to teach me how to do that for years now, and I have gotten it before - like the "light bulb" came on. But then I would lose it with fear, doubt, guilt, and worry. I have a hard time just letting God Be. With Harper I have had no choice. There was nothing I could do to help her from the very beginning. But God gave us Children's Hospital, and the staff, doctors, nurses there, plus all of my doctors and nurses that cared for me and performed the delivery and surgeries. And He gave me the lesson of letting go and letting God Be. And even better, I learned it. Now I am not saying I won't forget and pick it all back up, but for now I am letting God give me the gift of peace. And that peace lily made me realize it. I am so thankful to have Harper home and for us to all be together. I love seeing Billie with Harper. She is so sweet and so happy to be with her sister. It is so beautiful. I am so amazed with how she looks at Harper; the love you can see in her eyes for her sister. That is also a gift from God. God has blessed me beyond my prayers, and I am so thankful.
Harper is settling in and doing good. She went to her pediatrician today and she didn't gain or lose weight...she is still 4 lbs 14 oz. We will take her back Friday to get her weight checked again. She gets her eyes checked tomorrow. She is eating good and sleeping good and just getting used to us and home. We are all enjoying her so much. It is so nice to hear her sweet grunts - she grunts a lot! I love all the sweet noises she makes, even her cry. She is easily consoled, too. It feels so good to be able to fix what ever is the matter for her. She doesn't cry much, though, at all! She is such a good baby. It is hard for us to put her down to sleep, we want to cuddle with her so much, but we want her to grow and she needs to sleep sound to grow.
Update on Milly...she is home. Jenny said she did good her first night. She only woke up twice to eat and then went right back to sleep. They are waiting for results from a culture on fluid from her incision. Prayers are needed that it is not infection. Milly will have a lot of follow-up visits, but praise God she is home!
Addison is doing good. It was so sad to be leaving her and her sweet parents at the NICU while Harper and Milly both got to go home. But Addison is quite a bit younger and she will get her day! She has started to nurse a little which is exciting. They are working on getting her to gain weight. She still has the brain bleed and prayers are still needed for that to resolve. She also has stage 1 ROP. She will have an eye check tomorrow and I will pass on the news. Addie and her parents need a break. They have had to deal with way too much. It's time for some smooth sailing for that sweet family!
Thank you for your love and prayers! We love and appreciate you so much!
Life with 4 Girls
1 year ago